My dad is a funny one. It seems to me that he has never really been comfortable with the advisory aspect of the fatherhood role, preferring instead to use encouragement and, perhaps a bit more frequently, shame to move his children in what he feels is the right direction. In rare instances when he is actually concerned enough to issue some kind of warning or advice, he generally resorts to the parable or bottles up his concerns for so long that he ends up blurting them out in the most negative hurtful way possible. I have been working with my dad on this. When he speaks to me about his concerns regarding my siblings, I talk to him about how he might productively share his advice and experience with that sibling. I encourage him to frame the discussion in terms of his own experience - how did he learn what he thinks his child should know?
As a result of all of this, I appreciated this recent conversation with my dad.
"Are you ready for the baby?"
"Well, I guess so. I'm not sure how ready you can be for the inconceivable. We've just done a lot of reading and are trying to accumulate the necessary stuff and all that."
"You know, when I was a new parent, it was quite a shock for me to loose so much control of my life. The two of you are people who always have situations under control and I just want you to realize all of that is about to change. I worry that it will be difficult for you."
"Thanks, dad. I've already got an inkling of that even just noticing all the clutter and the worrying and all the extra responsibilities and we don't even have a baby yet."
"Well, that's just how it is so make sure that you take it easy on yourself."
"Yes, sir, and may I say that you did an excellent job imparting those words of wisdom!"
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