Tuesday, December 02, 2008

balanced

Sometimes I struggle to see how my life could be any different. If I really were a full time sociologist, where would I find the time to do the other things. I really don't think it would be possible to sleep any less and I have basically given up on television - unless I am home alone in the evening and whatever movie is on FX is the background to my reading and writing. I know that when I start working on the outside the gym will go and after that it is my time with the kids.

And that's the part that gets me, really, because I don't think that anything I ever do as a sociologist will come close to the mothering - both in terms of the contribution it makes to the world at large and how rewarding it is personally. On my work days I come home from writing feeling good about my project and the work I am doing on it. I enjoy my work and my field. However, on the second straight day of working I start to feel like I'm missing out. I know the kids are fine but I would rather be with them.

Anyway, it is looking like the market will be a non-starter again this year. Fine. I have a really good lead on a visiting position in the area for next year (if a very exciting year-long international opportunity in the works fails to materialize) and a tenure track opening the year after that. I am focused. I am ruthless - well, not really.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

aged 3

1. Yesterday at the library my three-year-old cast a ballot for duck from the book Duck for President. A reporter from the local daily asked her who she voted for. She looked up and without a beat replied, "I voted for John McCain." My partner, terrified lest someone think she got the idea that McCain was the one to vote for from us, said "E who did Mommy and Daddy vote for?" "Barack Obama. He says 'Yes we can.'" "Who did you vote for, E?" "Duck for President!"
2. Later in the day E approached me. "Mom do you think we could go to abc.com today? It's up on Burlington Street and you have to go down low. I think it will take about 30 minutes to get there."
3. Last week we attended a local event, The Enchanted Forest. A city forest preserve is turned into a magical place complete with witches and elves and fairys and trolls. E found the whole thing a little scary but, later, in reviewing the evening, she said, "My favorite was the remote controls." "Huh?" "The remote controls were so funny. They were wrestling and dancing and one was up in a tree." "Ah" I replied "the remote con TROLLS."

Thursday, September 04, 2008

ahh, politics

There is a peculiar irony in listening to the former Mayor of New York jeering at Obama's cosmopolitanism.

What I took from the RNC last night is that my liberal, godless views, far from adding welcome diversity to this great nation, are un-American. Furthermore, my book-based knowledge, erstwhile city-living, and community-organizing background are not just particular ways of doing and knowing but, instead make me someone who doesn't know or do anything.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Name That Bug


Can anyone help me find out what this bug is?
Seen in early July in Montpelier, VT. Approximately 5 inches long (HUGE).

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Marketplace of ideas

You know the family rummage sale had a big impact on your almost-three-year-old when her sleep talk sounds like:
"I'll sell you the lettuce for $9 or 14 for them both."

Friday, June 20, 2008

LOVERMONTPELIER

You know things have got to be pretty good when you're in transitional housing with most of your worldly possession in storage, the new flora and fauna appear to have you permanently debilitated, you're lacking certain employment in your chosen profession, and you are so new you don't really have any friends but, all the same, you react with slow ambivalence when the hint of an opportunity to relocate to a city you previously touted as only one of two places previously believed to be better than where you are now comes your way.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Confession, Method and The Power of Reporting

TO: The Folks at Nielsen Media Research, Inc.
FROM: Islander
RE: Our TV viewing diary

I am happy to accept your $30 and to complete the TV viewing diary you sent for this week. I would also like to thank you for the push this diary has given me to remain in my office to work on my dissertation instead of creeping downstairs to fall asleep on the sofa and in front of the television in the evenings and during the kids' afternoon nap.

I mean, if you think I am willing to confess to an occassional afternoon snooze in front of Jerry Springer or, worse, to provide evidence that I am not unfamiliar with the evening line-up on FOX or, even, that I am sometimes known to shed tears along with the beneficiaries of Extreme Makeover Home Edition and The Big Give you've got another thought coming.

Perhaps I should start recording my food intake again. Might be the best way to cut out those east side ovens cupcakes and WFM chocolate chip cookies.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

low

A tough spell...
My partner has been busy with work and final social engagements before we leave brew city. What it boils down to is that I parent alone many long days and mope around a lonely house in the evening. The past 3 weeks have been particularly difficult with the next couple of days/nights rounding out a long spell of spouse's work/conference travel. I should use the time to write but it is difficult to get myself into the dissertation when I am low.
I concluded tonight that I would, perhaps, best be served by a couple of evenings of pleasure reading. It has been so long - perhaps as long as Harry Potter. I also made a desperate call to my windy city brother trying to convince him that he and his partner would enjoy one last weekend in our guest room before we are off to the green mountain state. Alas, he is taking a trip out to corn country to visit another brother this weekend.
And on top of all this I am having issues with someone in the department - someone who did not take care of something last summer and it is just coming around to bite me in the ass. Here's the thing: I am really bad at reading social cues... so bad that I usually try to apologize for my ignorance and then ask what some behavior meant. After many months of unrequited emails and requests for meetings/feedback, I asked this person directly if they wanted to shed me on account of their busy-ness. They said no, of course, not. I am a pleasure to mentor. But still I get no support and, on top of it, routine administrative crapola that I cannot take care of on account of my grad student status gets left on the table without my knowledge and other folks interpret this to mean that I am a slacker/loser/student who is on the way out because she is more interested in raising her kids. Which, of course, is what they would be likely to think anyway since I am not around and not particularly engaged.
And that's another thing. I am going to finish my diss and end up doing relevant and interesting work as a sociologist but I am taking my time about it because I chose to have a family and I am not willing to send my children to daycare. I often feel that I am being penalized for not being single or having a spouse who acts as the primary support person in the family while I engage more fully the life of the mind. I opted out of a tenure track job because it wasn't the right time or place for me to have it. I hope to find a home in a department sometime but, all the same, I will do the work.
I only wish I could have even a bit of an intellectual home... I am thinking that when I get to VT I will join one of the writing groups sponsored by the public library. Not that I expect a room full of folks who want to talk about race and culture and diversity and and immigration but at least someone to talk to because right now it's just a 10 month old, a 2 1/2 year old, 2 dogs and the spring rain.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Will to Knowledge

I love reading Foucault, truly!

"...commentary's only role is to say finally what has silently been articulated deep down. It must... say, for the first ime, what has already been said and repeat tirelessly what was, nevertheless, never said. "

Foucault, The Discourse on Language

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

God Bless the USA: Kristy Lee Cook, American Idol & The White Nation Fantasy

Tonight was the American Idol results show (moving from 10 to 9 contestants). The theme of the week was "a song from the year you were born."

All season I've noted the interesting demographic composition of the group. In the top 10 only 3 contestants, Brooke White, Kristy Lee Cook and David Cook, would be considered white Americans. They sing alongside Syesha Mercado, Chikeze, Ramiele, Jason Castro, and David Archuleta all of whom would not generally be classified as white and many of whom ( Chikeze, Ramiele and David) have immigrant parents. They are then joined by Aussie, Michael Johns and a woman from Ireland, Carly Smithson.

OK, here's the deal. This week Kristy Lee Cook, who has been in the bottom 2 contestants for the last several weeks, picked the song "God Bless the USA." In tonight's results show Chikeze, Jason Castro and Syesha Mercado appeared in the bottom 3. At least Syesha was a surprise since she really nailed her performance this week. Really, in my opinion, only Jason Castro turned in a weak enough performance to qualify for the bottom 3. The others should have been Ramiele and Carly.

I hypothesize that Kristy Lee Cook's song choice activated nationalistic sentiments and biases among some viewers. Nationalistic sentiments (I'm borrowing from Ghassan Hage here) hinge upon the spatial belonging of white folks and the exclusion or at least managed presence of non-whites. Whiteness is not an all or nothing proposition but instead is something one may have to a degree. The extent of one's whiteness may be determined by skin color, culture, accent, etc.

In determining their voting preferences this week callers were influenced by activated nationalistic biases and, therefore, were more likely to vote for those "white" contestants consistent with the bias. I suspect that Syesha suffered as a result of nationalistic bias because she appears African American, because her last name strikes folks as latino and because (and I really think this is the big one and the reason Ramiele and David A. were OK) her song choice, a Gladys Knight & the Pips tune, was not "white." Chikeze suffered in part because he performed a Luther Vandross song (same problem) and, in addition, spent much time in his pre-performance video clips talking about his Nigerian origins and the Nigerian music and family values that made him the person he is today. Jason Castro - already at risk due to his last name and dread locks sang part of his song, Sting's Fragile, in Spanish.

Disclaimer: I'm not about to offer a definition of "white" nor am I advocating "whiteness" on the part of the performers song choice. It is interesting to me, however, to think about how nationalism and race are tangled and how, ultimately, Ireland's Carly Smithson is safer from nationalistic bias than Floridian Syesha Mercado. A strategic contestant could really use song choice to increase their success not just by, as the judges say, connecting with the audience but instead by influencing the way the audience sees the other contestants.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Monday, March 10, 2008

Sold!

Likely the nicest house I will ever inhabit.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

reality bites

Sometimes the enormity of what I did in passing on a 50k-a-year gig here (they confirmed I was their fist choice for the job) in brew city for an uncertain occupational future in the green mountain state hits me with such force that my heart starts pounding and my stomach feels all jumpy. This happens most frequently when I am thinking about money: money for 3-year-old ballet and music classes; money for preschool; money for a gym membership; money to buy books; money to pay for my research; and most relevant given my immediate circumstances, money to replace this dinosaur (more than 5 years old) of a laptop that I am using. It just crashed again. I only lost a couple of paragraphs, but still.... There are lines down each side of the screen. They used to be blue and red but now they faded to white and yellow.

Although I know I could get another laptop for $500, I really would rather have this dream machine:It's not that we couldn't find the money somewhere. But, if sociology isn't going to be an income-bearing pursuit for me, is it OK to use family resources on it when that means, for example, that my kids don't get music lessons or Montessori preschool? I mean, I already spend thousands of dollars a year on childcare, various supplies, conferences, etc. And, as I opted out of a salary as a sociologist because I want to move home to NNE, at some point don't I have to decide that, if I can't make a living at this there and with the work/family balance I want, that it is just a really expensive hobby?

I know there are all kinds of issues here around the household division of labor, etc...

I actually think I an handling all of this stuff (job market, move, etc) really well given how difficult, unsettling and unpredictably pivotal it all is. Although my life is tinged with a bit of disappointment and depression generally made manifest in a queasy feeling that I cannot be the mother I want to be and a productive sociologist in a place I want to live and, ultimately, that I am a failed academic, I am not unhappy in my day-to-day life. Mostly, I suspect, because I LOVE being a parent and I am too busy to spend much time brooding. This is a stark departure from earlier periods of uncertainty and reevaluation of my life's plan, times in which I went months doing nothing but working and lying in bed, packing on weight.

All the same, I really have no idea what my life is going to look like 12 months, professionally speaking at least. However, I do know that life for myself, my partner and my children is going to be fundamentally different as a result of our decision to move. Seems unwise to sink $2500 into a modbook.

take your passion and make it happen

Writing at Whole Foods. I'm always torn between Hotch-a-do and Whole Foods when it comes to writing. Hotch-a-do has booths but no free wireless. The windows face northeast so very little sunlight. Whole Foods has no booths but free wireless. Windows face southeast. WFM offers killer chocolate chip cookies. Hotch-a-do... I get a meal: either eggs benedict with tofu or the Milwaukee Rachel (tofu reuben). Both play good music although WFM is a more eclectic mix (currently playing Flashdance, What a Feelin') at the correct volume and there is always sufficient impersonal hub-bub in the form of cash registers beeping, etc. etc. Hotch-a-do can play the music a bit too loud and be lacking sufficient activity to create the correct background noise for good writing. Anyway, Whole Foods got me today. I'll likely go to Hotch-a-do Friday so I can take myself out for breakfast.

We have an offer on the house but the inspection is holding things up. The buyer is getting estimates on exterior painting and, apparently, has issues with the old coal fireplace. The inspector said it's no good for wood but we say that you can burn wood pellets in it. It's a little frustrating. First, a monkey can see the house needs to be painted. If we had sunk the necessary $12,000 into the job we'd be asking more for the house. Anyway, we'll see. Hope it doesn't fall through because I am tired of living in the car with 2 kids and 2 dogs for hours at a time.

Monday, February 25, 2008

circle game

Showed the house today. This basically means I give up my work time to clean while the babysitter takes the kids to the library. I put the dogs in the car and then drive them to the heated parking at Whole Foods. Then I meet kids and babysitter at Whole Foods, send sitter home, purchase lunch, feed kids, get them in the car and drive around for an hour and a half so they can take some sort of nap. We then return home to a very clean house looking exactly as I left it (unless the showing agent was nice enough to turn off some of the lights) with the exception of a business card on the dining room table.

I attempted to put them to bed early in hopes that they are as tired as I am. Success! Now it's downstairs for dinner and a large glass of chocolate milk. Friends arrived yesterday with a gift of 64 ounces of Ghiradelli chocolate syrup. It is best if consumed in 3 weeks from the time it is opened. All are welcome. Bring your own coffee/milk/ice cream.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

E & H

2 1/2 years old

In 24 hours I've done 3 things that I never anticipated doing. In fact, these things are basically antithetical to my day-to-day life and outlook on issues like consumerism, Disney, sustainability, health, etc.

1. At the behest of my daughter I drove to Target (first time leaving the eastside/downtown in 11 days) to purchase princess big girl underwear, specifically "Annabella in the Beauty Parlor" underwear. Now, just for the record, our children do not watch TV and there is absolutely no "Disney Princess" merchandise in our house. Up to this point, we have not purchased any character merchandise save diapers and a Clifford book or 2. I re-gift all gifts that serve the primary purpose of indoctrinating kids into some cult of consumerism and/or reducing culture to some bland, cookiecutter, misogynistic fairy tale. Several months ago E was at the children's museum and she met a girl who gave her Annabella and Ariel stickers. We have heard occasionally about the princesses ever since. However, I am tired of changing dirty diapers. We are reading lots of books about using the potty and E announced that it would be easier for her to use the potty if she had some Annabella underwear so off I went to get some. I ended up coming home with Tinkerbell on account of the fact that, apparently, Belle is not popular enough to have her own package and the entire "Princesses" line of big girl underwear was not available in E's size. Hence, Tinkerbell.

2. We were at Joey's house today and E picked up a DVD, Barney's Circus. She told Joey's mom she wanted to "listen to the CD." At which point Joey's mom suggested that E bring it home to watch it. E asked and I said yes. She sat on the sofa this afternoon and watched it.

3. In the interests of science, I just made 3 batches of jello (YUCK!) for tomorrow: red, blue, yellow. Apparently, you can mix the primary colors to create secondary colors. Color theory, a sugar fix, artificial flavor and color, and gelatin (what is gelatin anyway?) all in one sitting!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

to or not to

So, as you know, I haven't been around much. I could say I've been too busy but really that is not true. I think the demise of Jeremy Freese's weblog sapped my own energy to post. He's blogging elsewhere on a group blog but, alas, much of the wit and whimsy is gone.

I think my blogging malaise ultimately has to do with the fact that I felt, even if erroneously so, that I was part of a "community" of bloggers, folks kind of keeping tabs on each other in a facebook-ish kind of way. Now.... I'm not sure if I just feel so unplugged that it doesn't seem worth it to post or what but I'm just not feeling it.

Things are going well, albeit slowly, in the world of the dissertation. The publications section of the CV is actually starting to shape up. I'm thinking of the diss as a series of articles now - much more practical and easier to write than some well structured earth-shattering, sociological treatise. Not sure how my professional trajectory is going to coexist with my life as green mountain mom and spouse. We've got an agreement that we'll give it three years in VT and if I'm not happy with the sociologist/rest of life balance I've established there we'll move on.
Curious to see that that actually means. I'm writing a popular press article over the summer to see how that feels.

The Best of Milwaukee

Most days I am happy to be leaving. I am excited about the prospect of raising my children in Vermont - both because it is close to my family and because I think the culture of the place is more comfortable for me (and healthier and more multicultural and outward looking and sustainable etc. etc).

From time to time, however, I grow sad when I think about what we'll be leaving behind here in Milwaukee. Here's a first attempt at "Islander's Best of Milwaukee" - in no particular order.
1. The Playroom Closet
2. Milwaukee Public Library
3. Lake Park
4. Riverside Park
5. East Side Ovens Vegan Chocolate Cupcakes with white icing
6. Beans & Barley's pesto lasagne
7. Shuffleboard at Hotch-a-do and the Milwaukee Rachel sandwich
8. Harry W. Schwartz Booksellers on Downer
9. Sitting outside at Cafe Hollander on a warm summer day (not for the food)
10. Vegetables from Farmer Steve at Rare Earth Farm
11. Our wonderful house
12. Cempazuchi's sopa azteca and tostadas florentina
13. Milwaukee Public Market
14. The neighbors
15. "The Moms"
16. Dr. T, Dr. Jill, Nella, Terri and Nurse Joan
17. Frederick Avenue compost project, email list, holiday round robin with "skinny santa"
18. The Oriental Theater