Today the sky is blue and the sunlight is reflecting off the snow, dazzling. I am tempted to drive up to Lost Valley, buy a two hour lift ticket, rent some skis, and enjoy a couple of hours on the south-facing slopes. Alas, my cousin decide to schedule a "girls' night" to coincide with my visit so I would really be shirking if I took off and left her to prepare all alone.
I drove down to Portland for lunch with my brother and his girlfriend. They seem to be in a good place right now. They scraped together enough cash to buy a car and they have both been recognized for exemplary performance at work. She is a shift leader at Starbucks and he is a cashier at the local supermarket. It was nice to see them content.
And then there is just Portland. In my mind it is the best place on earth! How is it that I have chosen a career path that makes it almost impossible for me to live there before I retire? You basically have to wait for the right person to die in order for there even to be a tenure track opening at the University of Southern Maine and Maine Law School. Who knows? Maybe we'll be in the right place at the right time.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
butter scraped over too much bread
I have people that I consider to be my friends but I don't think the relationships are reciprocal - not because I am not the kind of person you want to have as a friend (or at least I hope that is not the case) - but because I am not really around enough for people to think of me as a friend. Since June of 1995 I have lived in 12 apartments/houses in 7 cities in 3 states and 3 countries. For two years I lived part-time in 2 different cities and for all but the first year of my Ph.D. program I spent the majority of time living away from my department.
Everywhere and nowhere. Sometimes I think this transience accounts for a great deal of the mental degeneration that I described below - maybe for most people it takes until they are old before they have lived in too many places and had too many phone numbers and known too many people to keep it all straight all the time.
Everywhere and nowhere. Sometimes I think this transience accounts for a great deal of the mental degeneration that I described below - maybe for most people it takes until they are old before they have lived in too many places and had too many phone numbers and known too many people to keep it all straight all the time.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
update from the field
I have been here 11 days and I must say that, although I have more work to do, I am ready to head home for a spell. Except for a couple of days of respite here and there it has not stopped snowing since I arrived. Normally, there is nothing like a lovely Maine winter but, while here on this trip I am staying in the woods and I need to drive absolutely everywhere. I loathe driving on a sunny summer day. I am positively miserable driving when it is 7 degrees with 3 inches of fresh powder on the road.
On the positive side, this is shaping up to be a fairly productive trip. I am redesigning my project a bit - one of the parts of my tripartite design is just not feasible. Thus, this project is going to be a little less focused on interaction than I would have liked. No big deal - I'll do it later in a place where there is a wealth of the necessary data.
Although I struggle to actually PRODUCE research, I really enjoy coming up with research ideas and conducting the research itself. I am always getting interesting ideas for research. I often think I should just give up on the academic research enterprise and start a journal, "The Journal of Sociological Ideas." The journal would be full of research ideas and accompanying background information. For example, the segment of my dissertation that is not getting done is concerned how social difference/distance is constructed within interactions. If I wanted to publish this idea in "The Journal of Sociological Ideas," I would prepare a description of the project with accompanying lit review and even develop the research design and make guesses as to what the findings might be. Thus, in merely developing the question, I would be freed from ever having to be definitive - assert that I knew the answer.
On the positive side, this is shaping up to be a fairly productive trip. I am redesigning my project a bit - one of the parts of my tripartite design is just not feasible. Thus, this project is going to be a little less focused on interaction than I would have liked. No big deal - I'll do it later in a place where there is a wealth of the necessary data.
Although I struggle to actually PRODUCE research, I really enjoy coming up with research ideas and conducting the research itself. I am always getting interesting ideas for research. I often think I should just give up on the academic research enterprise and start a journal, "The Journal of Sociological Ideas." The journal would be full of research ideas and accompanying background information. For example, the segment of my dissertation that is not getting done is concerned how social difference/distance is constructed within interactions. If I wanted to publish this idea in "The Journal of Sociological Ideas," I would prepare a description of the project with accompanying lit review and even develop the research design and make guesses as to what the findings might be. Thus, in merely developing the question, I would be freed from ever having to be definitive - assert that I knew the answer.
Monday, January 17, 2005
Geezum*, what a city mouse!
Growing up on a small-ish island off the coast of Maine is a unique experience in many ways. One way in which islanders tend to be different from your average rural person is that we often do not get driver's licenses (or get them very late). Why? No need for cars on the island and difficulties with owning/parking cars on the mainland are 2 big reasons.
I got my license at age 24, because I was heading back to Chicago for graduate school and I had acquired a dog (making mass transit less feasible). Thus, I really developed my driving abilities on the huge highways and busy streets of Chicago.
Currently in Maine, I am staying with my cousin in a rural area about 20 minutes from Portland and about 30 minutes from my field site. Even though I am a bit closer to my research site than I would be if I stayed in Portland, I no longer have a highway route to get me where I want to go. This is a big problem for someone who, when it comes to driving, is a city mouse.
Maine has 2 actual highways, 95 and 295. In most of the state they are 4-lane highways (2 lanes in each direction) although they expanded the southern end(from the NH border to Portland), where 95 is the only highway, to 6-lanes. So, to get where I needed to go this morning. I had to drive down several rural routes. Remember, folks, Maine roads pre-date the homestead act, trains, cars, and all that other stuff that insures that roads in the Midwest mostly move either North-South or East-West. Instead, our roads run a lane in each direction with no shoulder. They curve and they rise and fall and wind their ways through town after ancient town.
My knuckles grew white as I tried to make sure that I kept the tires of my rental car in grooves other vehicles had already made in our fresh snow. On the way home I went 20 miles out of my way so that I could stay on highways and very major thoroughfares. What a wimp!
*Geezum (could also be spelled Jesum, I assume) is a nice Maine expression that used to be a staple of my repertoire of interjections. Today my waitress at the Bill Davis Luncheonette was talking about her problems with her daughter giving her lip. "Geezum, call it tough love, but I am not letting her get into trouble with those friends of hers." Is this lovely interjection widely used anywhere else in the world? Any of you non-Mainers out there ever let out an exasperated "Geezum?"
I got my license at age 24, because I was heading back to Chicago for graduate school and I had acquired a dog (making mass transit less feasible). Thus, I really developed my driving abilities on the huge highways and busy streets of Chicago.
Currently in Maine, I am staying with my cousin in a rural area about 20 minutes from Portland and about 30 minutes from my field site. Even though I am a bit closer to my research site than I would be if I stayed in Portland, I no longer have a highway route to get me where I want to go. This is a big problem for someone who, when it comes to driving, is a city mouse.
Maine has 2 actual highways, 95 and 295. In most of the state they are 4-lane highways (2 lanes in each direction) although they expanded the southern end(from the NH border to Portland), where 95 is the only highway, to 6-lanes. So, to get where I needed to go this morning. I had to drive down several rural routes. Remember, folks, Maine roads pre-date the homestead act, trains, cars, and all that other stuff that insures that roads in the Midwest mostly move either North-South or East-West. Instead, our roads run a lane in each direction with no shoulder. They curve and they rise and fall and wind their ways through town after ancient town.
My knuckles grew white as I tried to make sure that I kept the tires of my rental car in grooves other vehicles had already made in our fresh snow. On the way home I went 20 miles out of my way so that I could stay on highways and very major thoroughfares. What a wimp!
*Geezum (could also be spelled Jesum, I assume) is a nice Maine expression that used to be a staple of my repertoire of interjections. Today my waitress at the Bill Davis Luncheonette was talking about her problems with her daughter giving her lip. "Geezum, call it tough love, but I am not letting her get into trouble with those friends of hers." Is this lovely interjection widely used anywhere else in the world? Any of you non-Mainers out there ever let out an exasperated "Geezum?"
Friday, January 14, 2005
degeneration
I am losing my mind.
exhibit 1: Wednesday I was having a fairly important phone conversation and the person with whom I was speaking needed to call me back. She said, "Just give me your number and I will call you back once I deal with this [issue that has just arisen]."
I said, "Sure." but then was unable to recall my phone number. I paused a minute and glanced at the numbers on the phone, hoping that I would be able to recall the pattern the numbers make and, hence, the number. No luck. "You know what," I said, "I am going to be in and out so why don't I call you back. When would you like me to call?"
exhibit 2: Yesterday I had to move my things to my new departmental office, which is on the second floor. When it came time for me to head down the hill to catch the bus back home, I walked to the elevators, pushed the up button, got in and stared blankly at the wall unit. I had absolutely no idea which floor I needed to exit the building. I guessed 5, incorrectly.
exhibit 3: At the end of last semester, I was working on the bus. I was so absorbed in my work that when I looked up I was surprised to find I was on a bus. Then I realized I had no idea where I was - was I between Madison and Chicago, Madison and Milwaukee, Portland and Boston, Portland and Lewiston? I took a deep breath so as not to panic and looked out the window. The relative treelessness confirmed that I was not in New England. I thought about it for a minute and realized that I don't live in Chicago anymore. Thus, I was between Madison and Milwaukee. So, the next question - was I on my way to Madison or on my way home. I tried to remember if I had already lectured that day - to no avail. It was cloudy so the day gave no indication what time it was. A glance at the clock on my cell phone is what finally confirmed that I was on my way home at the end of the day.
Each time something like this happens I struggle not to panic. I feel so disoriented.
exhibit 1: Wednesday I was having a fairly important phone conversation and the person with whom I was speaking needed to call me back. She said, "Just give me your number and I will call you back once I deal with this [issue that has just arisen]."
I said, "Sure." but then was unable to recall my phone number. I paused a minute and glanced at the numbers on the phone, hoping that I would be able to recall the pattern the numbers make and, hence, the number. No luck. "You know what," I said, "I am going to be in and out so why don't I call you back. When would you like me to call?"
exhibit 2: Yesterday I had to move my things to my new departmental office, which is on the second floor. When it came time for me to head down the hill to catch the bus back home, I walked to the elevators, pushed the up button, got in and stared blankly at the wall unit. I had absolutely no idea which floor I needed to exit the building. I guessed 5, incorrectly.
exhibit 3: At the end of last semester, I was working on the bus. I was so absorbed in my work that when I looked up I was surprised to find I was on a bus. Then I realized I had no idea where I was - was I between Madison and Chicago, Madison and Milwaukee, Portland and Boston, Portland and Lewiston? I took a deep breath so as not to panic and looked out the window. The relative treelessness confirmed that I was not in New England. I thought about it for a minute and realized that I don't live in Chicago anymore. Thus, I was between Madison and Milwaukee. So, the next question - was I on my way to Madison or on my way home. I tried to remember if I had already lectured that day - to no avail. It was cloudy so the day gave no indication what time it was. A glance at the clock on my cell phone is what finally confirmed that I was on my way home at the end of the day.
Each time something like this happens I struggle not to panic. I feel so disoriented.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
What are we doing for dinner?
I know I seem to be dwelling on food but indulge me.
So, I try to work in our home office largely because I am an hour and a half (by car) from my actual office. My beloved partner, who is only 20 minutes by city bus from his office, tends to work there at least part of the day. This is good as our home office is too small for us both to be working comfortably. However, for some reason my dear, dear partner seems to think that, since I am at home, I should also be thinking about dinner. Thus, each evening when he is on the bus he calls and invariably asks the question, "What are we doing for dinner?"
Now, I admit, some evenings I procrastinate by locating interesting recipes on epicurious.com and preparing them. Usually, however, I am just as uninterested in thinking about what we're doing for dinner as he is. Frequently I am annoyed by the question because it seems to place the onus on my shoulders (we could give him the benefit of the doubt and say it is ONLY because I am the one at home and has nothing to do with gender but I know this is just incorrect). I've tried various approaches to voicing my annoyance with the question. "I haven't thought about it." "I don't care." "What you eat for dinner is your own business." "I'm sure that you'll put together a very nice meal once you get home." "Can you stop asking me that? It's not my responsibility to prepare dinner!" Unfortunately, I seem unable to eliminate both the question and underlying assumption that I should prepare dinner.
It's infinitely frustrating.
So, I try to work in our home office largely because I am an hour and a half (by car) from my actual office. My beloved partner, who is only 20 minutes by city bus from his office, tends to work there at least part of the day. This is good as our home office is too small for us both to be working comfortably. However, for some reason my dear, dear partner seems to think that, since I am at home, I should also be thinking about dinner. Thus, each evening when he is on the bus he calls and invariably asks the question, "What are we doing for dinner?"
Now, I admit, some evenings I procrastinate by locating interesting recipes on epicurious.com and preparing them. Usually, however, I am just as uninterested in thinking about what we're doing for dinner as he is. Frequently I am annoyed by the question because it seems to place the onus on my shoulders (we could give him the benefit of the doubt and say it is ONLY because I am the one at home and has nothing to do with gender but I know this is just incorrect). I've tried various approaches to voicing my annoyance with the question. "I haven't thought about it." "I don't care." "What you eat for dinner is your own business." "I'm sure that you'll put together a very nice meal once you get home." "Can you stop asking me that? It's not my responsibility to prepare dinner!" Unfortunately, I seem unable to eliminate both the question and underlying assumption that I should prepare dinner.
It's infinitely frustrating.
What I plan to eat in Western Maine
In no particular order, the food that I am going to treat myself to upon my arrival in Maine Saturday afternoon (spread over the 2 weeks I am there, of course):
1. Eggplant Italian Sandwich from Amato's (no olives, no cheese, no salt, extra tomatoes, extra-extra pickles, olive oile and pepper).
2. Eggplant Parmigiana Sandwich from Amato's
3. Mediterranean Vegetable Wrap (add green tabasco) with 1/2 order of yam fries from Federal Spice
4. Tofu, Asian slaw, coconut rice and sweet red chili sauce wrap from Federal Spice
5. Oshi-tashi maki and inari sushi from Fuji
6. Vegetable Potsticker Salad with sushi rice and tofu from Natasha's lunch menu
7. Breakfast at Blue Spoon
8. Breakfast at Bintliff's
9. Humpty Dumpty Salt'n'vinegar chips
10. Creme Horns and Whoopie Pies from Labadie's Bakery
11. Vegetable dinner from Safari Africa Restaurant
12. Grilled cheese and fries from Gilbert's Chowder House
13. Balsamic Infused Portobellas and Spinach from Norm's BBQ
14. Beal's ginger ice cream
15. Napoleons from Foley's Bakery
16. Hummus sandwich and peanut butter chocolate chip cookie from Big Sky Bakery
17. Little Lad's vegetarian lunch buffet
18. Morning buns, gingerbread, and mini-brioche from Standard Baking
1. Eggplant Italian Sandwich from Amato's (no olives, no cheese, no salt, extra tomatoes, extra-extra pickles, olive oile and pepper).
2. Eggplant Parmigiana Sandwich from Amato's
3. Mediterranean Vegetable Wrap (add green tabasco) with 1/2 order of yam fries from Federal Spice
4. Tofu, Asian slaw, coconut rice and sweet red chili sauce wrap from Federal Spice
5. Oshi-tashi maki and inari sushi from Fuji
6. Vegetable Potsticker Salad with sushi rice and tofu from Natasha's lunch menu
7. Breakfast at Blue Spoon
8. Breakfast at Bintliff's
9. Humpty Dumpty Salt'n'vinegar chips
10. Creme Horns and Whoopie Pies from Labadie's Bakery
11. Vegetable dinner from Safari Africa Restaurant
12. Grilled cheese and fries from Gilbert's Chowder House
13. Balsamic Infused Portobellas and Spinach from Norm's BBQ
14. Beal's ginger ice cream
15. Napoleons from Foley's Bakery
16. Hummus sandwich and peanut butter chocolate chip cookie from Big Sky Bakery
17. Little Lad's vegetarian lunch buffet
18. Morning buns, gingerbread, and mini-brioche from Standard Baking
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Hello, Wisconsin!
San Francisco was fine. At this point in my life I have seen enough major Western cities to experience them as a fundamentally comfortable and known quantity. I feel at home right away with well-developed mass transit, over-crowded sidewalks, Chinatowns, people on the streets at all times, tremendous diversity, Neiman Marcus, FCUK, and the Disney store (even though I have never shopped at any of them). Incidentally, Seattle was one of the more surprising cities in that it didn't remind so much of Paris and Chicago and New York and Moscow but instead really felt a great deal like Portland.
So, the strangest thing about my trip was that when I thought about going home, I initially failed to recognize that HOME is Milwaukee, Wisconsin and was disappointed each and every time I realized that I would be returning to Milwaukee.
On the flight back, I was sitting near a gentleman who was returning from a business trip to Arizona. As we were landing, he glanced out the window at the snow on the ground and the bungalows and said, "Lovely Milwaukee." I looked at him, trying to gauge the sincerity in his voice but, as I had only spent about 20 minutes speaking with him, I couldn't tell if he meant it. I smiled and replied, "Hello, Wisconsin."
It's not that Milwaukee is terrible. It really is much nicer than I thought it would be. However, something isn't right. Maybe it's that there really isn't a vibrant city center, or that most people who live here are from here. I need to figure it out so next time we move to a place with more long-term potential.
So, the strangest thing about my trip was that when I thought about going home, I initially failed to recognize that HOME is Milwaukee, Wisconsin and was disappointed each and every time I realized that I would be returning to Milwaukee.
On the flight back, I was sitting near a gentleman who was returning from a business trip to Arizona. As we were landing, he glanced out the window at the snow on the ground and the bungalows and said, "Lovely Milwaukee." I looked at him, trying to gauge the sincerity in his voice but, as I had only spent about 20 minutes speaking with him, I couldn't tell if he meant it. I smiled and replied, "Hello, Wisconsin."
It's not that Milwaukee is terrible. It really is much nicer than I thought it would be. However, something isn't right. Maybe it's that there really isn't a vibrant city center, or that most people who live here are from here. I need to figure it out so next time we move to a place with more long-term potential.
Monday, January 03, 2005
i know i know
I know it's been a long time but cut me some slack.
I have lots of great excuses to give - no one reads this blog anyway, I'm in a tremendous end-of-the-semester I'm-never-going-to-finish-this-program-successfully-so-why-even-try my-life-is-chaos funk, and the biggest and somewhat all-consuming thing going on with me right now is so top secret that i can't even blog about it.
At any rate, I'm off to San Francisco tomorrow, home for a few days and then off to Maine for 2 weeks of imposed exile/productivity regarding this dissertation-thingy. I won't have much with me besides my laptop so I imagine I will have plenty of time to wax poetic from the road.
I have lots of great excuses to give - no one reads this blog anyway, I'm in a tremendous end-of-the-semester I'm-never-going-to-finish-this-program-successfully-so-why-even-try my-life-is-chaos funk, and the biggest and somewhat all-consuming thing going on with me right now is so top secret that i can't even blog about it.
At any rate, I'm off to San Francisco tomorrow, home for a few days and then off to Maine for 2 weeks of imposed exile/productivity regarding this dissertation-thingy. I won't have much with me besides my laptop so I imagine I will have plenty of time to wax poetic from the road.
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