lost equilibrium

It's been a tough semester for me so far. Although I really enjoy being back in the classroom and my spouse has been mostly fabulous about sharing childcare responsibilities, I'm just finding that I am stressed and overwhelmed much of the time. I get myself so worked up about parenting by obsessing over whether I'm doing OK and know enough to raise my child well. I feel completely anxiety-ridden about my career, wondering if I'll ever get my dissertation done, those presentations prepared, my lectures written and then, of course, there is the job market - if I'm not job-worthy then why continue to work toward finishing? Then, to top it off, the tensions really mount in the interface between work and parenting: will she let me sleep so I can function tomorrow? Will I be shooting myself in the foot by bringing my family along to this conference? Who will care for the baby during my lectures while her father is out of town? Sometimes it all crystallizes in full-blown panic. This is not good.

I'm hoping to take this week to get my chi back in balance. I plan to use this summer to inventory my resources and work on building some local community and support networks. It really is difficult to not have anyone but my spouse. My Chicago siblings are both moving west (one to IA and one to CA) over the summer so I won't have any family in driving distance. I need to adapt.