half full

I'm in a more optimistic mood this evening. I suspect the Red Sox, assorted chocolates from the WFM bulk aisle, and two sisters sharing the same bedroom all play a role.

Although I imagine I would do better work in a department where great work is routinely done and, furthermore, I was brought in on the basis of the expectation that I would do such work (leading me to do better work and, more importantly, for folks to scrutinize my work for brilliance), wouldn't I rather labor more independently someplace that provided research support but without the same onerous expectations (e.g. publications but not necessarily ASR/AJS)? If the department were located somewhere I'd like to be then I would be well situated indefinitely. If my work garnered the interest of more prestigious departments, I could consider a move and, perhaps, make one, suspecting, on the basis of the track record that brought me there, that I was able to meet expectations.

I guess what I'm saying is: I just need to be somewhere where I can do my work and have a work/life balance that meets my needs. I have access to a network of folks who can provide criticism, insight and guidance (especially if I have a little development $ for conference attendance). The rest is fluff. I know this is obvious but it is a step for me. Until I started grad school, I enjoyed significant success in my educational undertakings. I'm not used to feeling like I'm not good enough - academically speaking.