The Third Attempt

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2009-08-16T12:47:00.003-05:00

It's been a while. Let me provide some information in order to bring everyone up to speed.
1. FINISHED the dissertation! The committee was very enthusiastic and gave me great feedback for developing a manuscript. I didn't have to make any revisions. On top of that, a mentor at another great department has asked my permission to assign the dissertation one of his classes! So, although I spent May, June and July in the office, it was worth all the angst of the past 3 years. It was a cold and rainy early summer in Montpelier, anyway.
2. Tomorrow morning we are moving to China. The entire family (minus the dogs who are in Oakland with my brother) will spend the next academic year in Guangzhou. I am homesick for Vermont already especially since my hopes for staying here are dwindling. It is clear to me that I could piece together work - online teaching here and there, adjuncting, and even a tenure-track option at a middling school in the area. The thing is, I really like doing sociology and as the children are getting older I have more and more time to be a sociologist. Can't I have my cake and eat it too?

balanced

2008-12-02T12:45:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I struggle to see how my life could be any different. If I really were a full time sociologist, where would I find the time to do the other things. I really don't think it would be possible to sleep any less and I have basically given up on television - unless I am home alone in the evening and whatever movie is on FX is the background to my reading and writing. I know that when I start working on the outside the gym will go and after that it is my time with the kids.

And that's the part that gets me, really, because I don't think that anything I ever do as a sociologist will come close to the mothering - both in terms of the contribution it makes to the world at large and how rewarding it is personally. On my work days I come home from writing feeling good about my project and the work I am doing on it. I enjoy my work and my field. However, on the second straight day of working I start to feel like I'm missing out. I know the kids are fine but I would rather be with them.

Anyway, it is looking like the market will be a non-starter again this year. Fine. I have a really good lead on a visiting position in the area for next year (if a very exciting year-long international opportunity in the works fails to materialize) and a tenure track opening the year after that. I am focused. I am ruthless - well, not really.

aged 3

2008-11-05T20:13:00.002-06:00

1. Yesterday at the library my three-year-old cast a ballot for duck from the book Duck for President. A reporter from the local daily asked her who she voted for. She looked up and without a beat replied, "I voted for John McCain." My partner, terrified lest someone think she got the idea that McCain was the one to vote for from us, said "E who did Mommy and Daddy vote for?" "Barack Obama. He says 'Yes we can.'" "Who did you vote for, E?" "Duck for President!"
2. Later in the day E approached me. "Mom do you think we could go to abc.com today? It's up on Burlington Street and you have to go down low. I think it will take about 30 minutes to get there."
3. Last week we attended a local event, The Enchanted Forest. A city forest preserve is turned into a magical place complete with witches and elves and fairys and trolls. E found the whole thing a little scary but, later, in reviewing the evening, she said, "My favorite was the remote controls." "Huh?" "The remote controls were so funny. They were wrestling and dancing and one was up in a tree." "Ah" I replied "the remote con TROLLS."

ahh, politics

2008-09-04T09:43:00.002-05:00

There is a peculiar irony in listening to the former Mayor of New York jeering at Obama's cosmopolitanism.

What I took from the RNC last night is that my liberal, godless views, far from adding welcome diversity to this great nation, are un-American. Furthermore, my book-based knowledge, erstwhile city-living, and community-organizing background are not just particular ways of doing and knowing but, instead make me someone who doesn't know or do anything.

Name That Bug

2008-08-08T17:47:00.003-05:00

Can anyone help me find out what this bug is?
Seen in early July in Montpelier, VT. Approximately 5 inches long (HUGE).

Marketplace of ideas

2008-07-19T13:46:00.003-05:00

You know the family rummage sale had a big impact on your almost-three-year-old when her sleep talk sounds like:
"I'll sell you the lettuce for $9 or 14 for them both."

LOVERMONTPELIER

2008-06-20T12:58:00.003-05:00

You know things have got to be pretty good when you're in transitional housing with most of your worldly possession in storage, the new flora and fauna appear to have you permanently debilitated, you're lacking certain employment in your chosen profession, and you are so new you don't really have any friends but, all the same, you react with slow ambivalence when the hint of an opportunity to relocate to a city you previously touted as only one of two places previously believed to be better than where you are now comes your way.

Confession, Method and The Power of Reporting

2008-04-25T12:07:00.004-05:00

TO: The Folks at Nielsen Media Research, Inc.
FROM: Islander
RE: Our TV viewing diary

I am happy to accept your $30 and to complete the TV viewing diary you sent for this week. I would also like to thank you for the push this diary has given me to remain in my office to work on my dissertation instead of creeping downstairs to fall asleep on the sofa and in front of the television in the evenings and during the kids' afternoon nap.

I mean, if you think I am willing to confess to an occassional afternoon snooze in front of Jerry Springer or, worse, to provide evidence that I am not unfamiliar with the evening line-up on FOX or, even, that I am sometimes known to shed tears along with the beneficiaries of Extreme Makeover Home Edition and The Big Give you've got another thought coming.

Perhaps I should start recording my food intake again. Might be the best way to cut out those east side ovens cupcakes and WFM chocolate chip cookies.

low

2008-04-10T21:18:00.003-05:00

A tough spell...
My partner has been busy with work and final social engagements before we leave brew city. What it boils down to is that I parent alone many long days and mope around a lonely house in the evening. The past 3 weeks have been particularly difficult with the next couple of days/nights rounding out a long spell of spouse's work/conference travel. I should use the time to write but it is difficult to get myself into the dissertation when I am low.
I concluded tonight that I would, perhaps, best be served by a couple of evenings of pleasure reading. It has been so long - perhaps as long as Harry Potter. I also made a desperate call to my windy city brother trying to convince him that he and his partner would enjoy one last weekend in our guest room before we are off to the green mountain state. Alas, he is taking a trip out to corn country to visit another brother this weekend.
And on top of all this I am having issues with someone in the department - someone who did not take care of something last summer and it is just coming around to bite me in the ass. Here's the thing: I am really bad at reading social cues... so bad that I usually try to apologize for my ignorance and then ask what some behavior meant. After many months of unrequited emails and requests for meetings/feedback, I asked this person directly if they wanted to shed me on account of their busy-ness. They said no, of course, not. I am a pleasure to mentor. But still I get no support and, on top of it, routine administrative crapola that I cannot take care of on account of my grad student status gets left on the table without my knowledge and other folks interpret this to mean that I am a slacker/loser/student who is on the way out because she is more interested in raising her kids. Which, of course, is what they would be likely to think anyway since I am not around and not particularly engaged.
And that's another thing. I am going to finish my diss and end up doing relevant and interesting work as a sociologist but I am taking my time about it because I chose to have a family and I am not willing to send my children to daycare. I often feel that I am being penalized for not being single or having a spouse who acts as the primary support person in the family while I engage more fully the life of the mind. I opted out of a tenure track job because it wasn't the right time or place for me to have it. I hope to find a home in a department sometime but, all the same, I will do the work.
I only wish I could have even a bit of an intellectual home... I am thinking that when I get to VT I will join one of the writing groups sponsored by the public library. Not that I expect a room full of folks who want to talk about race and culture and diversity and and immigration but at least someone to talk to because right now it's just a 10 month old, a 2 1/2 year old, 2 dogs and the spring rain.

Will to Knowledge

2008-03-31T11:16:00.003-05:00

I love reading Foucault, truly!

"...commentary's only role is to say finally what has silently been articulated deep down. It must... say, for the first ime, what has already been said and repeat tirelessly what was, nevertheless, never said. "

Foucault, The Discourse on Language

God Bless the USA: Kristy Lee Cook, American Idol & The White Nation Fantasy

2008-03-26T22:15:00.002-05:00

Tonight was the American Idol results show (moving from 10 to 9 contestants). The theme of the week was "a song from the year you were born."

All season I've noted the interesting demographic composition of the group. In the top 10 only 3 contestants, Brooke White, Kristy Lee Cook and David Cook, would be considered white Americans. They sing alongside Syesha Mercado, Chikeze, Ramiele, Jason Castro, and David Archuleta all of whom would not generally be classified as white and many of whom ( Chikeze, Ramiele and David) have immigrant parents. They are then joined by Aussie, Michael Johns and a woman from Ireland, Carly Smithson.

OK, here's the deal. This week Kristy Lee Cook, who has been in the bottom 2 contestants for the last several weeks, picked the song "God Bless the USA." In tonight's results show Chikeze, Jason Castro and Syesha Mercado appeared in the bottom 3. At least Syesha was a surprise since she really nailed her performance this week. Really, in my opinion, only Jason Castro turned in a weak enough performance to qualify for the bottom 3. The others should have been Ramiele and Carly.

I hypothesize that Kristy Lee Cook's song choice activated nationalistic sentiments and biases among some viewers. Nationalistic sentiments (I'm borrowing from Ghassan Hage here) hinge upon the spatial belonging of white folks and the exclusion or at least managed presence of non-whites. Whiteness is not an all or nothing proposition but instead is something one may have to a degree. The extent of one's whiteness may be determined by skin color, culture, accent, etc.

In determining their voting preferences this week callers were influenced by activated nationalistic biases and, therefore, were more likely to vote for those "white" contestants consistent with the bias. I suspect that Syesha suffered as a result of nationalistic bias because she appears African American, because her last name strikes folks as latino and because (and I really think this is the big one and the reason Ramiele and David A. were OK) her song choice, a Gladys Knight & the Pips tune, was not "white." Chikeze suffered in part because he performed a Luther Vandross song (same problem) and, in addition, spent much time in his pre-performance video clips talking about his Nigerian origins and the Nigerian music and family values that made him the person he is today. Jason Castro - already at risk due to his last name and dread locks sang part of his song, Sting's Fragile, in Spanish.

Disclaimer: I'm not about to offer a definition of "white" nor am I advocating "whiteness" on the part of the performers song choice. It is interesting to me, however, to think about how nationalism and race are tangled and how, ultimately, Ireland's Carly Smithson is safer from nationalistic bias than Floridian Syesha Mercado. A strategic contestant could really use song choice to increase their success not just by, as the judges say, connecting with the audience but instead by influencing the way the audience sees the other contestants.

higher love or a rose by any other name...

2008-03-12T10:53:00.002-05:00

Is "Winwood" really his last name?

Sold!

2008-03-10T11:24:00.002-05:00

Likely the nicest house I will ever inhabit.

reality bites

2008-03-05T10:47:00.003-06:00

Sometimes the enormity of what I did in passing on a 50k-a-year gig here (they confirmed I was their fist choice for the job) in brew city for an uncertain occupational future in the green mountain state hits me with such force that my heart starts pounding and my stomach feels all jumpy. This happens most frequently when I am thinking about money: money for 3-year-old ballet and music classes; money for preschool; money for a gym membership; money to buy books; money to pay for my research; and most relevant given my immediate circumstances, money to replace this dinosaur (more than 5 years old) of a laptop that I am using. It just crashed again. I only lost a couple of paragraphs, but still.... There are lines down each side of the screen. They used to be blue and red but now they faded to white and yellow.

Although I know I could get another laptop for $500, I really would rather have this dream machine:It's not that we couldn't find the money somewhere. But, if sociology isn't going to be an income-bearing pursuit for me, is it OK to use family resources on it when that means, for example, that my kids don't get music lessons or Montessori preschool? I mean, I already spend thousands of dollars a year on childcare, various supplies, conferences, etc. And, as I opted out of a salary as a sociologist because I want to move home to NNE, at some point don't I have to decide that, if I can't make a living at this there and with the work/family balance I want, that it is just a really expensive hobby?

I know there are all kinds of issues here around the household division of labor, etc...

I actually think I an handling all of this stuff (job market, move, etc) really well given how difficult, unsettling and unpredictably pivotal it all is. Although my life is tinged with a bit of disappointment and depression generally made manifest in a queasy feeling that I cannot be the mother I want to be and a productive sociologist in a place I want to live and, ultimately, that I am a failed academic, I am not unhappy in my day-to-day life. Mostly, I suspect, because I LOVE being a parent and I am too busy to spend much time brooding. This is a stark departure from earlier periods of uncertainty and reevaluation of my life's plan, times in which I went months doing nothing but working and lying in bed, packing on weight.

All the same, I really have no idea what my life is going to look like 12 months, professionally speaking at least. However, I do know that life for myself, my partner and my children is going to be fundamentally different as a result of our decision to move. Seems unwise to sink $2500 into a modbook.

take your passion and make it happen

2008-03-05T10:12:00.003-06:00

Writing at Whole Foods. I'm always torn between Hotch-a-do and Whole Foods when it comes to writing. Hotch-a-do has booths but no free wireless. The windows face northeast so very little sunlight. Whole Foods has no booths but free wireless. Windows face southeast. WFM offers killer chocolate chip cookies. Hotch-a-do... I get a meal: either eggs benedict with tofu or the Milwaukee Rachel (tofu reuben). Both play good music although WFM is a more eclectic mix (currently playing Flashdance, What a Feelin') at the correct volume and there is always sufficient impersonal hub-bub in the form of cash registers beeping, etc. etc. Hotch-a-do can play the music a bit too loud and be lacking sufficient activity to create the correct background noise for good writing. Anyway, Whole Foods got me today. I'll likely go to Hotch-a-do Friday so I can take myself out for breakfast.

We have an offer on the house but the inspection is holding things up. The buyer is getting estimates on exterior painting and, apparently, has issues with the old coal fireplace. The inspector said it's no good for wood but we say that you can burn wood pellets in it. It's a little frustrating. First, a monkey can see the house needs to be painted. If we had sunk the necessary $12,000 into the job we'd be asking more for the house. Anyway, we'll see. Hope it doesn't fall through because I am tired of living in the car with 2 kids and 2 dogs for hours at a time.

circle game

2008-02-25T18:53:00.004-06:00

Showed the house today. This basically means I give up my work time to clean while the babysitter takes the kids to the library. I put the dogs in the car and then drive them to the heated parking at Whole Foods. Then I meet kids and babysitter at Whole Foods, send sitter home, purchase lunch, feed kids, get them in the car and drive around for an hour and a half so they can take some sort of nap. We then return home to a very clean house looking exactly as I left it (unless the showing agent was nice enough to turn off some of the lights) with the exception of a business card on the dining room table.

I attempted to put them to bed early in hopes that they are as tired as I am. Success! Now it's downstairs for dinner and a large glass of chocolate milk. Friends arrived yesterday with a gift of 64 ounces of Ghiradelli chocolate syrup. It is best if consumed in 3 weeks from the time it is opened. All are welcome. Bring your own coffee/milk/ice cream.

E & H

2008-02-21T21:26:00.001-06:00

2 1/2 years old

2008-02-21T20:57:00.003-06:00

In 24 hours I've done 3 things that I never anticipated doing. In fact, these things are basically antithetical to my day-to-day life and outlook on issues like consumerism, Disney, sustainability, health, etc.

1. At the behest of my daughter I drove to Target (first time leaving the eastside/downtown in 11 days) to purchase princess big girl underwear, specifically "Annabella in the Beauty Parlor" underwear. Now, just for the record, our children do not watch TV and there is absolutely no "Disney Princess" merchandise in our house. Up to this point, we have not purchased any character merchandise save diapers and a Clifford book or 2. I re-gift all gifts that serve the primary purpose of indoctrinating kids into some cult of consumerism and/or reducing culture to some bland, cookiecutter, misogynistic fairy tale. Several months ago E was at the children's museum and she met a girl who gave her Annabella and Ariel stickers. We have heard occasionally about the princesses ever since. However, I am tired of changing dirty diapers. We are reading lots of books about using the potty and E announced that it would be easier for her to use the potty if she had some Annabella underwear so off I went to get some. I ended up coming home with Tinkerbell on account of the fact that, apparently, Belle is not popular enough to have her own package and the entire "Princesses" line of big girl underwear was not available in E's size. Hence, Tinkerbell.

2. We were at Joey's house today and E picked up a DVD, Barney's Circus. She told Joey's mom she wanted to "listen to the CD." At which point Joey's mom suggested that E bring it home to watch it. E asked and I said yes. She sat on the sofa this afternoon and watched it.

3. In the interests of science, I just made 3 batches of jello (YUCK!) for tomorrow: red, blue, yellow. Apparently, you can mix the primary colors to create secondary colors. Color theory, a sugar fix, artificial flavor and color, and gelatin (what is gelatin anyway?) all in one sitting!

to or not to

2008-02-20T13:54:00.002-06:00

So, as you know, I haven't been around much. I could say I've been too busy but really that is not true. I think the demise of Jeremy Freese's weblog sapped my own energy to post. He's blogging elsewhere on a group blog but, alas, much of the wit and whimsy is gone.

I think my blogging malaise ultimately has to do with the fact that I felt, even if erroneously so, that I was part of a "community" of bloggers, folks kind of keeping tabs on each other in a facebook-ish kind of way. Now.... I'm not sure if I just feel so unplugged that it doesn't seem worth it to post or what but I'm just not feeling it.

Things are going well, albeit slowly, in the world of the dissertation. The publications section of the CV is actually starting to shape up. I'm thinking of the diss as a series of articles now - much more practical and easier to write than some well structured earth-shattering, sociological treatise. Not sure how my professional trajectory is going to coexist with my life as green mountain mom and spouse. We've got an agreement that we'll give it three years in VT and if I'm not happy with the sociologist/rest of life balance I've established there we'll move on.
Curious to see that that actually means. I'm writing a popular press article over the summer to see how that feels.

The Best of Milwaukee

2008-02-20T12:30:00.002-06:00

Most days I am happy to be leaving. I am excited about the prospect of raising my children in Vermont - both because it is close to my family and because I think the culture of the place is more comfortable for me (and healthier and more multicultural and outward looking and sustainable etc. etc).

From time to time, however, I grow sad when I think about what we'll be leaving behind here in Milwaukee. Here's a first attempt at "Islander's Best of Milwaukee" - in no particular order.
1. The Playroom Closet
2. Milwaukee Public Library
3. Lake Park
4. Riverside Park
5. East Side Ovens Vegan Chocolate Cupcakes with white icing
6. Beans & Barley's pesto lasagne
7. Shuffleboard at Hotch-a-do and the Milwaukee Rachel sandwich
8. Harry W. Schwartz Booksellers on Downer
9. Sitting outside at Cafe Hollander on a warm summer day (not for the food)
10. Vegetables from Farmer Steve at Rare Earth Farm
11. Our wonderful house
12. Cempazuchi's sopa azteca and tostadas florentina
13. Milwaukee Public Market
14. The neighbors
15. "The Moms"
16. Dr. T, Dr. Jill, Nella, Terri and Nurse Joan
17. Frederick Avenue compost project, email list, holiday round robin with "skinny santa"
18. The Oriental Theater

i'm here

2007-11-12T21:50:00.000-06:00

Things have been busy. I waited until the 11th hour on my paper for yale and, of course, while I was trying to pull an all-nighter to finish, my youngest child decided I should pull an all-nighter to keep her safe and warm. Tonight, I am exhausted but beyond working on the paper, she has, thus far, decided to let me go about my business.

Job market is still a non-starter. I'm sending out a fellowship app this week but that is the end of the road for this year. The whole thing is puzzling and curious and depressing. If I wasn't so content with the rest of my life I would really be struggling.

things...

2007-11-07T20:15:00.000-06:00

A few recurring notions swirling around amidst dissertation chapter 3, a draft which is fantastically behind schedule. I suspect there is some relationship between these thoughts but I have neither the time nor the inclination to figure it out much less attempt to express it.

1. As I was cleaning her up after dinner, my two-year-old daughter looked at me with a smile and yelled, "Charge!" Somewhat taken aback by the noise ( I was, after all, wiping her hands at the time of her pronouncement) I took a step back. "Charge?" I asked tentatively. "Charge." She answered resolutely. "They say it at the Brewer's game." She did attend some games this past summer but it's been months. Amazing!

2. Our babysitter came for a bit this morning she took aforementioned daughter to the library. When they came back, she asked me about the library. The conversation went something like this:
"Did you have fun at the library? I know it's a pretty ugly building but they have a good children's section."
"We had a lot of fun. I was impressed by all the books. They had movies too."
"Yeah, they have a good selection. You can request movies through the library catalogue and go and pick them up when they're ready. We use it instead of netflix."
"I think I want to get a library membership. The person in line in front of us was paying $3. Is that how much it costs to join?"
"No. It's free. You just need to bring a bill or something with your Milwaukee address."
"Oh... so then do you pay a monthly fee or do they charge you per item?"
"It's the public library. It's absolutely free. Most of their programs have no cost whatsoever. It's paid for by tax money, grants, donations and things like that. Had you ever been to a public library before today?"
"Never. I don't know anything about them."

3. Yesterday the kids took phenomenal afternoon naps. Since I had gotten some good work done while they were sleeping, it had been a while since I left the neighborhood and it felt too cold for a really long walk outside, I suggested to my partner that we get everyone in the car and take a field trip to the mall and cap it off with dinner in the food court. First my partner asked if I was feeling OK. Then he suggested that I hand over the baby and return his spouse. However, I suggested a trip to the mall was a cultural experience for our children and it would be fun. Since we make it to the mall about 4 times a year and eat in the food court half as often, it's actually something different when we do go. Granted, if I HAD to go to the mall to make a purchase or for a social engagement I would be extremely disgruntled. In my mind it's kind of like the difference between camping out because it's fun every once in a while and living under an overpass because you've been dealt a shoddy hand. We are fortunate people who can afford to live in a neighborhood that is safe to walk around and has a variety of places to walk to. For many people, the mall is where you go - mall stores are the arbiter of consumer taste and mall eateries the arbiter of taste. My partner grew up in that world. I did not. There is no mall on my island home, no chain restaurants of any kind. Our visits to those places were rare, at least as rare as they are in my life today. ANYWAY, we drove to the mall and did an upstairs loop, stopped in one shop to buy some hair clips for E. and then headed downstairs where we spent 15 minutes in the little mall playground. After that we walked to the food court for a junk food dinner. It was awful and greasy and it hit the spot. We had the vegetarian sub (with mayo!!), fries and lemonade from STEAK ESCAPE, mozzarella sticks & the Martha's Vineyard salad from Arby's (or was it Wendy's?), and E. finished the meal with a baby sized vanilla "ice cream" from McDonald's - her first-ever McDonald's fare. It was a lovely evening.

a day in the life

2007-11-04T19:20:00.000-06:00

I'm parenting on my own this weekend as my infinitely more prolific and successful partner enjoys back-to-back job interviews. Really, it isn't too different to be here on my own except that the poor dogs get the shaft when it comes to walks. Although the erstwhile hour and two-hour walks they enjoyed prior to E's arrival are a distant memory, they are accustomed to at least getting around the block. Instead, we walk up and down in front of the house - as far as we can get until the baby monitor notifies me that it has lost the signal. And of course, bedtime is a bit easier with 2 sets of hands.

However, it has gone smoothly today despite the fact that I didn't get more than 1 hour of uninterrupted sleep all night last night on account of H's current excessive nightwaking (I assume teething and general glitches on the road to having a well-wired brain) and the time change messing with our nap schedule.

Incidentally, in the middle of the night (I believe it was the 2:46 waking) I resolved that I am going to clean up my diet and, as soon as this Yale paper and one lingering application are squared away, take up some kind of exercise - beside lugging about 50 pounds of infant/toddler around much of the day. Perhaps I will work those poor dogs into my plans but, more likely, I will join the 24 hr fitness center that just went in down the street. No point in giving up a health for this academic trajectory!

the sacred and the mundane

2007-11-03T12:28:00.000-05:00

Today I am reading Social Performances, Alexander et al.'s new text on cultural pragmatics and performativity (incidentally, not the same performativity as ascendent in Europe among folks doing media, etc).

The text is supposed to provide a theoretical link between structural theories of culture (meaning of action is cultural/extra-situational) and pragmatic theories of action (meaning of action is situational and contingent). Given my line of research, a successful theory that did this would be wonderful. I'd love one from Alexander since I am a current subscriber to the strong program when it comes to the analysis of cultural meaning systems. However, I am not really "feeling" this text. I could discuss lots of little problems but instead will just state the glaring, apparently insurmountable issue that is going to doom this text to a footnote in my dissertation in which I state that they got it all wrong.

The theory of cultural pragmatics starts from the idea of ritual in understanding routine behavior. Further, most of the chapters examine highly "significant" moments (e.g. mass protests, national political crises). HELLO??!! The so-called "pragmatic" theories of action cultural pragmatics are supposed to improve upon are concerned with unremarkable, everyday action - those actions to which we pay so little attention (both personally and sociologically speaking) as long as we are fish in water but, yet, are the building blocks of both the social world and individual life trajectories. A more successful theoretical endeavor would have left Durkheim's rituals aside in favor of James' (or was it Peirce, I'm not willing to look it up) habits.

As I read it, and I will keep reading in case I'm wrong, the theory of cultural pragmatics does not extend logically or neatly to unremarkable everyday action.

success!!

2007-11-02T21:23:00.000-05:00

I have an interview!

Good location, not so good department but, on account of good location, a pretty nice faculty. It's amazing what this process does to you. While I applied to the position assuring myself that, surely, I could do better, now I am grateful that these folks even want to speak with me.

I stretched my area of specialization a bit for this one so we'll see how it goes.

Of course, the possibility of a job offer is eons away but still I find myself struggling a bit, even if at the same time I am SO GLAD that SOMEONE decided I might be worth considering. The downside: my partner has prospects in 2 UNBEATABLE locations even if, professionally speaking, they aren't the best. Granted, I don't have any nibbles in those places. However, the idea of a life lived in location A & B make the idea of accepting a job in location C disappointing.

historicity

2007-11-02T12:33:00.000-05:00

Why must sociological theorizing make sweeping historical claims? If we are, after all, sociologists, can we not be content to talk about how it is instead of laying claim to particular insight into how it used to be and, by extension, where it is going. I have the sinking suspicion that, in many ways, the way it is is the way it was is the way it will be.

If one member of my toddler's playgroup picks up an unused toy and, glaring at her compatriots, announces, "Mine!" that is sufficient to insight conflict as other toddlers attempt to wrest previously unremarkable object from her grasp. I could say that, with the rise of post-fordism and the increased subjectivity of worth due to globalism, objects increasingly derive value, not from their utility or material properties, but instead from the esteem placed upon them by others.

Even if not silly, not particularly necessary or accurate.

after all, that's why they are there

2007-10-31T15:02:00.000-05:00

Take this lady from the zoo last month. BTW, if you have to come 15 feet out of your way and stand right in front of me to confirm that I am, indeed, nursing my child, it is, perhaps, you with the issue! Although I don't welcome the moment, I pity the person who actually says something to me about nursing because they will receive all the ire I've stored as a result of comments, snickers, and family-in-law issues around breastfeeding.

For the record, most awkward BF moment:
On flight to NYC in August. Since we were 3, I was left with the baby sitting next to a stranger. H. started to fuss during take-off. I latched her on (on the same side as the guy sitting next to me in hopes that would seem less uncomfortable to him and leave him less likely to get kicked. Once I had myself all situated (covered up with blanket, baby nursing successfully, I glanced at my seat companion and found that he his entire body (face included) was smashed so resolutely against the wall of the plane that, had he suddenly manifested hero powers like D.L., he would have ended up falling to his death. So, J. and I switched seats and, although it was a huge pain to manage a toddler and an infant, it was a million times more comfortable than sitting next to that guy. Incidentally, he was a nice guy and spoke gratefully with J. the entire flight.

waxes, wanes

2007-10-31T11:19:00.000-05:00

I had a thoroughly depressing phone interview this morning.
4-4 load. No expectations of/support for research. Claims that they want people who love to teach but yet they have you teaching pre-fab classes.
I said everything I felt I needed to say to keep myself in the pool thinking the whole time that I have been completely out of touch with reality.

And now I am completely miserable.

If I had to do it again, I'd have listened to my advisors. 2 out of 3 told me to wait until next year. It's just so hard given the family situation. Namely, my partner being up for tenure shortly and us thinking, given he's at a middling school now, that he has a better chance for a move as a junior lateral. Turns out, in fact, that he is a great candidate. Now it looks like we'll be in the predicament of him having options in great places and me with nothing.

half full

2007-10-28T22:12:00.000-05:00

I'm in a more optimistic mood this evening. I suspect the Red Sox, assorted chocolates from the WFM bulk aisle, and two sisters sharing the same bedroom all play a role.

Although I imagine I would do better work in a department where great work is routinely done and, furthermore, I was brought in on the basis of the expectation that I would do such work (leading me to do better work and, more importantly, for folks to scrutinize my work for brilliance), wouldn't I rather labor more independently someplace that provided research support but without the same onerous expectations (e.g. publications but not necessarily ASR/AJS)? If the department were located somewhere I'd like to be then I would be well situated indefinitely. If my work garnered the interest of more prestigious departments, I could consider a move and, perhaps, make one, suspecting, on the basis of the track record that brought me there, that I was able to meet expectations.

I guess what I'm saying is: I just need to be somewhere where I can do my work and have a work/life balance that meets my needs. I have access to a network of folks who can provide criticism, insight and guidance (especially if I have a little development $ for conference attendance). The rest is fluff. I know this is obvious but it is a step for me. Until I started grad school, I enjoyed significant success in my educational undertakings. I'm not used to feeling like I'm not good enough - academically speaking.

telling the code, performing power

2007-10-27T21:09:00.000-05:00

Anyone with some advice on the relationship between "telling the code" and Jeffrey Alexander et al's recent work on performativity?

Also, wouldn't you say that authenticity is not always the goal of a performance? That sometimes folks just want to make sure that you've crossed your 't's and dotted your 'i's and don't really care if you mean it? Do you think that Alexander would suggest that in such cases we're not talking about performance? I suggest we could still be telling the code in these instances.

Which reminds me of an odd conversation that transpired a couple of days ago. I was speaking to the partner of a woman in my mom's group. This partner works as a police officer. He mentioned an arrest he made the evening before and alluded to a class of people who engage in crimes that are out of bounds. I said, "You mean like stealing someone's diaper bag out from underneath the stroller while they are pushing their child on the swings? That's what happened to us this summer." and he said, "Yeah. When you catch guys like that you just try to get a couple extra licks in."

So, yeah. I understand the drive. I mean, when we were walking around the neighborhood asking after our missing diaper bag, I really felt the desire to do harm to the culprit. It wasn't so much losing the diaper bag as feeling completely violated by the theft of the bag from a space (stroller, playlot) where I imagined one's personal possessions would be MORE safe. At any rate, so maybe it isn't crazy to want to "get a couple of extra licks in" but that a police officer not only admitted the desire but made it clear that he acts on it is crazy. I would think that, even if they do such things, cops would make a point of NOT making it known.

On another note, how about those red sox?

stereotype threat

2007-10-26T10:28:00.000-05:00

A fter this post I'll go back to writing the paper that I am supposed to workshop at Yale in an alarmingly short time.

A difficulty arises in that I desire so much NOT to do what folks would expect that I do on the basis on my occupational and educational history, working class background, and family status and gender. At the very same time, however, EVERYTHING I do and aspire to reflects exactly those things.

Being a mother is the most important, rewarding, and challenging thing that I will ever have the opportunity to do. Ideally, I would be a part-time academic until I sent my youngest off to kindergarten.

I am an academic. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy teaching but I want to engage ideas, articulate approaches, and offer friendly criticism.

I was a first generation college student from a working-class family. I want my work to directly confront material issues. I want my family to understand that the work I do relates to their lives.

Finally, I really am a writer. I am so enjoying working on my dissertation (OK, not so much this chapter which is an add-on resulting from the clear demand for a focus on the "other" or "exotic" elements of the field). However, my drive to write fails when I imagine this project, so much about living breathing people and real hurts and needs being subjugated to the requirements of cultural form, ultimately languishing as a bound and rote academic piece on the dissertation shelf in the basement of the library. Or, if I'm lucky, getting published as a jargon-laden monograph by a third rate academic press so all 150 copies can collect dust in various university libraries.

So, what this adds up to is that I am, perhaps, happy to be a failed academic despite the fact that my ego is bruised and I feel that I am doing women, generally, and mothers, especially, a disservice. Although family finances (loan payments) require that I have some income upon completion of the doctorate (or just leaving), wouldn't I rather be free to revise my book for the general public instead of trying to break into the circle of elites discussing the topic in the academy? Instead of following this line of research until tenure, wouldn't I prefer to move on immediately to the next topic: the culture of mothering? Writing, once again, for change and the public?

Grand re-opening, Goodnight nobody

2007-10-26T09:55:00.000-05:00

Just to make it official, I am back.

Seeing as I stopped blogging largely on account of concerns that blogging activity would have an adverse effect on my job prospects and, as it turns out, I have no prospects, I think I would like to return to my virtual ramblings.

Of course, I suspect that any readers are long gone. No matter. Just as I write my dissertation in isolation from my department, just as I raise my children outside of a web of family support, so shall I blog for myself alone.

precipe? crossroads? the dead marshes?

2007-10-25T22:00:00.000-05:00

1. My self-esteem is too fragile for the academic job market.
2. When you are passed over by programs that met with you at the big gig in August, it's hard not to take it personally.
3. This tortuous process leads to soul searching.
a. Why did I pursue the Ph.D. in Sociology in the first place? Answer: wanted to make the world a better place. peace corps didn't meet my expectations. social work program was too clinical in its approach (the social system is the problem). so off to sociology.
b. Am I barking up the wrong tree? Am I lacking sociological potential? Will I be most happy/effective as an academic or outside of the academy?
c. Let's say that I will not be successful on the market this year. What do I do? Throw in the towel and look for regular job? Raise my children and try my hand at freelancing? Push back completion for another year to get more publications and drum up interest in my work? Take a dead end teaching gig that is outside of the norm for folks coming out of my program and that will not provide me research support (moral or otherwise)?

That my days as a student are coming to an end is all that I know with certainty.

Publications

2007-10-24T09:38:00.000-05:00

Lack of publications leaving you concerned about my productivity?

How's this for productivity?

Requiem

2007-04-11T22:51:00.000-05:00

It has been a while but I did want to put in a word for Mr. Vonnegut.
Bluebeard is his best work. I have read them all.
He and my old priest, also deceased, are the reason I attended the University of Chicago.
I met Vonnegut once. I believe I have recounted that encounter.

good news

2006-12-17T18:45:00.000-06:00

It appears that we may have made some friends here in brew city. FINALLY!

out but not down

2006-12-16T18:52:00.000-06:00

I have only to administer and grade the final.
I created a lovely eggplant parmigiana the other evening.
My so-called works-in-progress presentation went quite well. Much interest and many questions.
It is not my fondest desire that the next time I teach I will be teaching as an assistant professor but it is up there in the top 10 or so on the stuff-for-myself-alone list.

The History of Love was fine but, really, it wasn't all that. However, Bird was a riot. If I were going to pick my role in the movie adaptation I would either be Bird or Bruno.

help wanted

2006-11-17T12:04:00.000-06:00

Seeking responsible and caring individual to stand in for exhausted mother, lecturer and graduate student. The appointment will begin immediately and conclude on December 13. Responsibilities include: preparing and delivering lecturers, grading assignments, and responding to student needs; clothing, feeding, bathing, and supervising the activity of a wobbly toddler; completing grant applications and upcoming dissertation presentation, creating winter interview schedule, and overseeing survey scanning and commencing analyses.

google-ized

2006-11-15T19:09:00.000-06:00

So, I feel like every time I go to blogger, they are making it more difficult for me to stay old school. Are they going to force this google-ization on me? When? Should I move over to typepad or some other platform?

I used to be a fan of google but am beginning to feel like they are getting to be a little too big for their britches. I know their employee practices are commendable and all but do they really need to acquire absolutely everything ? Yes, I know, the bottom line, increasing profits, etc. etc. but what about monopolies and separation of powers and all that?

meh.

2006-11-14T15:46:00.000-06:00

I'm on campus using my prehistoric laptop (external wireless card, big and heavy, blue line down the left side of the screen, red line down the right) trying to get some work done (teaching of course, the works-in-progress presentation I'm giving in a couple of weeks is sadly mistitled) and am about to head over to the gym after quite a long hiatus (approx 6 weeks).

The winter doldrums set in early this year - during that mid-October spurt of cold and grey. At this point I am underwater - hoping that I will be able to hold my breath until the semester ends. I optimistically imagine that I will resurface with an exuberance and joie de vivre that will carry me through until the new year (my new year, folks, the hint of spring).

Anyway, I am truly off to the gym and not looking forward to the scale or watching how quickly my heart rate soars - likely reaching my target rate while climbing the stairs up to the cardio theater. I am looking forward to sweating and listening to my return-to-the-gym ipod playlist which includes toe-ticklin' tunes from MSTRKRFT, Spouse, Kekele, Pixies, Smashing Pumpkins, The Bravery and New Order, among others. On a related note, have I mentioned that I am enjoying the resurgence of the "post-modern" sound in some contemporary music?

if I were you, I would expect a quiz on Monday

2006-11-10T12:42:00.000-06:00

I know lots of folks who feel badly about failing those who attend class. In general I concur that it is kind of crappy to fail students who are regular attendees, engaged in lecture and clearly putting in effort to prepare for class and exams.* It seems like nearly every semester I have a student or 2 who falls into this category - just doesn't seem to get it - and I spend significant time with them trying to get them to learn how to read, write and take tests. Anyway, these students I get. I am baffled by the students who come to class and do nothing and yet somehow expect that I will pass them despite their poor performance on exams and other assignments.

I hit an all-time low with one of my sections this week. One of my students entered before class and put her head down on her desk to sleep. Once class began her head stayed down so I called on her. She popped up and answered (albeit in a way that demonstrated she hadn't done the reading) my question and then put her head back down. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt - paying attention with head down - a few minutes later however, there was a slapping noise which was the result of her hand (in her sleep) dropping on to the desktop. Further, there was much less student involvement than usual (e.g. no one responding to questions and comments) and one student, who made no mention to me of an early departure, packed up and left. Meanwhile one of my most annoying students (annoying in that she is outspoken in class at the same time that she doesn't prepare, generally late, AND to top it off added the class at the beginning of the semester to get an A to bring up her GPA (assuming, apparently, that my class - Sociology, after all - was an easy A)) closed her notebook and put her head down on the desk too. I had reached the limit.

"So," I said, "I am sorry. I didn't realize that this was such a horrible lecture. Should we just forget about it and I'll see you next week?"
[Silence]
"I mean," I continued, "I've got 2 people sleeping down here in front, other folks leaving and most of the rest of you sitting comatose. If my lecture is that painful for you all, let's not waste any more of our time, OK?"
[At this point a couple of my tried and true regulars said that they were paying attention and interested. Then the annoying student spoke up.]
"Well, I didn't do the reading so I really don't understand."
"Oh you're not prepared. All the more reason not to pay attention to a lecture in which I am going over the material you should have read before today."
[Silence]
"I will continue the lecture for those of you who are interested. However, I would like the rest of you to pack up. If you have a need to sleep, I highly recommend the sofas in the Union on the 3rd floor. We'll wait a minute so you don't disrupt us further on your way out."
No one moves. After a minute I recommence the lecture and abstain from soliciting any class participation. The sleepers are awake, wide awake. At the end of the period, most students exit through the back. I am still livid and, further, the lecture needs to be completely revamped.

*When this happens, I tend to fault the university for admitting students who are not up to the work and then not following through with services. The university I'm at now does a great job of making itself accessible to those from the community who are interested in being students but I do think that, if you are going to take tuition $$ from folks, you should make a commitment to helping them through successfully.

the stars at night

2006-11-05T21:51:00.000-06:00

We were away the last 10 days or so - in TX. We spent time in Austin. Eh - not a fan - kind of a bigger even more all-the-inconveniences-of-a-city-with-none-of-the-perks town like Madison. South Austin wasn't bad and the bats were kind of cool. Then it was San Antonio. What a nice city! An old and walkable city center. The coolness (meaning temperature) of the somewhat over touristed riverwalk. A great place to visit. Last was San Marcos (pronounced locally sanMARcus) which ended up being a pleasant surprise. The outlet malls were on the outskirts and there was a nice little village center and even some good food (best vittles of all 3 locations).

Other things learned:
1. The smell of barbecue (I'm from Maine so the spelling is a guess) makes me ill - burnt flesh with a few spices rubbed in. It permeates everything. I can't even eat the bread or the beans without tasting it and feeling like I'm about to toss my cookies.
2. One can only spend so much time eating cheese enchiladas, rice and beans.
3. At the young age of 14 months I would guess that E has consumed less than 1/8 the sugar of the typical American toddler. I suspect one of the things she is going to enjoy about traveling as she grows older is all the crapola she gets to eat.* We have a pretty established diet of whole grains, unprocessed/sweetened fruits, veggies and legumes, and organic dairy products without additions. So, on this trip, we couldn't give E her normal whole milk organic plain yogurt and ended up with those typical yoplait and dannon-type things. 3 of the first 5 ingredients are some form of sugar! They averaged 12g of sugar per container (less yogurt than E usually eats at a sitting). They also contained less calcium and protein than a typical serving of whole milk plain yogurt. I can't believe people think of those things as part of a healthy diet.

*Incidentally, I didn't travel growing up (barring the trip to the mainland to shop at the mall and our annual family trip to "Funtown," a 30 minute drive from the ferry terminal and, in my mind, basically another country). All the same, my parents ruined their credit on a family trip to DisneyWorld when I was in 7th grade. They purchased a package which included meals at resort restaurants. I think I ordered a steak pretty much every night. Toward the end of the trip, as I was finishing off yet another steak, I turned to my mother and said, "I really like steak, but, when we get home, do you think you could make a green salad and macaroni with butter and pepper?"Sure enough, mom made that for our first dinner at home. She also made it for all my subsequent homecoming meals - home from college, home from Russia, first meal after the Nutcracker closed, etc.

[]

2006-10-24T14:48:00.000-05:00

so very busy and exhausted and overwhelmed and...
E has given up her morning nap. I generally blogged, tidied up, and took care of self-grooming during this time. The house is a mess, my teeth are fuzzy and my hair greasy, and the obvious.
I am eagerly anticipating next semester - no teaching! My thoughts on this life, the academic one (always tempered by the all-the-time me), swing wildly between 2 poles. Some days I am invincible, a happy parent of a wonderful child and a budding sociologist with an exciting and important research agenda. Other days I cannot tell if it is mental fatigue or physical exhaustion weighing me down but all the same I cannot imagine a life in which I am any more than the something less than part-time academic/educator-in-training that I am now - at least until E and any subsequent siblings are off to school.
detours and derailments. some days they are a pleasure and others...

[rant]

2006-10-06T13:40:00.000-05:00

I don't have much time because I have to go downstairs and start cutting up fall vegetables for roasting however, I just sat down to check my email and am doubly annoyed.

First, human subjects is still stringing me along.

Second, I received an email from a student. Not inherently problematic but get this:
This student has been registered for my class since the beginning. I first heard from her the third week of classes (via email) in which she explained her reasons for being a no-show up to that point. I sent her the syllabus and suggested that she should read it. I told her that I run a tight ship and that she had already missed 2 assignments and a quiz that could not be made up. She said that she would be able to catch up. She attended not the next class but the class after that and vanished for the next 4. Today she emailed me explaining why she was absent the last 2 weeks, asked for make-up work and inquired into what she needed to know for the impending midterm.

You've got to be kidding me!

What I want to say is:
THERE IS NO MAKE-UP!
THE EXAM WILL COVER 5 WEEKS OF MATERIAL ABOUT WHICH YOU KNOW NOTHING AND A BOOK YOU INDICATE YOU HAVE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF MUCH LESS PURCHASED AND READ IN ITS ENTIRETY.
I AM HAPPY TO SPEAK WITH YOU ABOUT HOW TO APPROACH COLLEGE EDUCATION BUT PLEASE DROP MY CLASS.

release me!

2006-10-03T22:19:00.000-05:00

In all seriousness, IRB, you are messing up my life right now. Not only should I have been collecting data THIS WEEK, I cannot complete a research fellowship application requesting support for research that I do not yet have permission to do.

In my experience, the second you say you are going to be looking at how racial, ethnic and religious difference is interpreted and managed, they assume you are out to do harm. Even if you are gathering data on TECHNIQUES and CURRICULA they claim up and down that the people WHO WILL NOT EVEN APPEAR IN YOUR RESEARCH PRODUCT are at risk.

This is really an interesting case of the university managing knowledge production. I mean, I say I want to go hang out in a poor neighborhood to look at racial tensions and that's fine. Poor people are interesting reading and they don't sue. You say you want to find out how notions of diversity are produced and disseminated by power players and next thing you know we've been strung along for 2 months and asked to navigate all kinds hoops and hurdles clearly designed to get you just to give up.

Office update

2006-09-30T21:17:00.000-05:00

As you may remember, I've been redesigning my office in order to create a space conducive to completing a dissertation. This will be particularly crucial when I lose my Milwaukee office at the end of the semester at the same time when the winter doldrums tend to set in.

At any rate, I LOVE my desk - so spacious with loads of leg room and surface area and I can look out the window when I need to move my eyes to something else for a minute.

While I've had the desk for a month, I just put up my new shelving unit today. It's Smart Furniture, but discounted stuff from their outlet store. As you can see, we can grow into the existing space and this unit is modular so when we move we should be able to reconfigure it to fit in our new space. We could also add on to it if need be.

Last major item on the acquisition list is a lateral file. This photograph shows where it will go and some of the material waiting to go into it.

We were hoping to get one "on loan" from one of our workplaces but, alas, none are available. I'm keeping my eyes peeled but if I haven't found something by the next credit card billing cycle I'm going to get the one that matches the desk.

On the wish list: an office chair and corkboard.

Apropos

2006-09-26T21:25:00.000-05:00

best student typo ever:
excreta instead of etcetera

ode to human subjects

2006-09-26T08:59:00.000-05:00

your hands around my neck
my voice is distorted, muted, silenced
knowledge/power culture/power corporate power
you protect those without need
and perceive risk only to your own skin
you limit what we may learn
and determine what can be known

verily

2006-09-24T22:22:00.000-05:00

1. Teaching a repeat class is a good experience - allows you to work on balancing your teaching with research, service, etc.
2. Perfect weather today - hot in the sun, cool in the shade, memories of summer and hints of what is to come.
3. Here's something to do with all that CSA corn:

Preheat oven to 425
Cut kernels from 3 ears sweet corn and spread on cookie sheet
Spray with olive oil
Bake until golden (15 minutes-ish)
Drain and rinse one can of black beans
Chop (and all other sensical prep), combine and pulse in food processor
1 red onion
1 cup cilantro
2 gloves garlic
2 jalapeno peppers
4 -6 ripe roma tomatoes
1 red pepper
3 tablespoons of cider vinegar
1 tablespoon of vegetable oil
Juice of 1 or 2 limes
pour into large bowl and fold in the beans and completely cooled corn
add 2 diced avocados immediately before serving

whoops

2006-09-22T14:02:00.000-05:00

A journal editor has asked that I review a manuscript. I suppose this is a CV builder too even if it can't be placed under the "publications" heading.

Is it just chance that I am getting this request? Seems odd but the editor made no mention of my advisors and I know they are clear that I want to be a BOOK reviewer.

on reviews

2006-09-19T08:46:00.000-05:00

Apparently it is appropriate to have your advisor recommend you as a reviewer. If you're faculty I suppose you're supposed to make the contact yourself.

rapt

2006-09-18T18:59:00.000-05:00

Today I was lecturing and noticed that we were running out of time. I began to speed things up a little and noted that no one had so much as capped a pen. This is uncommon in my teaching experience at this and my previous place of employment. In fact, I tell students on the first day that I find it the height of rude when folks pack up before I stop talking and request that they refrain. In general people comply with my request but, all the same, usually there is discernible change in the tenor of the class in the last 5 minutes. Today I thought to myself, "Damn, I knew this was a good lecture but I didn't realize it was that interesting."

Finally, about a minute after the class-time, I used my "I'll leave you with this [somewhat debatable statement] and we can pick up here Wednesday. Still no one moved and slowly it dawned on me. "We still have another 15 minutes don't we?" To which there were universal nods and a few snickers.

to all 2 or 3 of you

2006-09-16T20:47:00.000-05:00

traffic is down lately. i feel a little disgruntled about it too. blogging without the help of jfw's sidebar is a little more lonely. seriously. anyone out there?

so i've written the first draft of a stellar book review and i've got some "feelers" out to figure out how to get it picked up. if things are going too slowly or not going at all, i think i'm just going to be brazen enough to email some editors and tell them that i've got reviews and, since they are in the review business, at least in part, we should get together.

doesn't this earthbound organic/natural selection foods thing bug you a bit? i did a little snooping around and it seems to me that natural selection foods is the packaging arm of earthbound and they also package for all kinds of other folks - many of whom are not organic. here are my questions: are all the greens sold under the earthbound label produced on the earthbound farm? if not, why is there no mention of that on the label or on the company (FARM!) website? are the other greens packaged by natural selection produced on earthbound acreage (meaning that the farm is not completely organic)? finally, what, if any, work is done to insure that organic greens are not processed with conventional greens or, for that matter, that the organic greens remain free of pesticide and other chemical residues introduced into the packaging facility by the conventional greens?

it's weekends like this that make me happy for community supported agriculture even if I am up to my ears in sweet corn and carrots.

2 things

2006-09-15T13:20:00.000-05:00

1. To those who keep leaving copies of the new testament on the bench in front of my gym locker, on our steps, and in my office mailbox: thanks for being worried about my salvation and all but although it is true that I have not accepted Jesus Christ as my savior, it is not for lack of access to the New Testament.
2. Also, perhaps this is only hilarious if it depicts your current life fairly accurately but I laughed so hard I cried.

what was i thinking when...*

2006-09-12T20:43:00.000-05:00

If I were put together enough to run any regular kind of posts, one of my regular "segments" would be entitled "What was I thinking when..." In these posts I would detail some glaringly stupid thing I had done.

For example:
1. What was I thinking way back when I was 5 years old and at Feeney's grocery on the island with Mitzii (yes, really) and her mom and I just popped a piece of gum in my mouth without waiting to pay for it or even asking if Mitzii's mom was willing to buy us a piece of gum?
2. When I agreed to teach 2 classes this semester?
3. When I stupidly announced that a faculty member had been offered and turned down a job at another department and I did this in a very public setting in front of that faculty member even though I had no idea how public that information was and I learned it through a member of the faculty at that other department who has his foot in his mouth even more frequently than I do?
4. When I said, "I swear to God" while giving a lecture?

Of course, if I were going to really do it up, I would elaborate on these stupid acts, including the lead in, how quickly (or not) I realized I was an idiot, exactly how bright red I became and for how long, and how my stupidity continues to affect my life even today.

*incidentally, I imagine this is the kind of post that prompts my partner to believe my blogging is risky activity.

2006-09-10T20:47:00.000-05:00

Last night when I was giving E her bath before bed, she was splashing around like usual and she slipped and went under - the first time ever on my watch. I was right there. I saw it all happen and recall the detail so well it was one of those seconds that lasted forever. One minute she is laughing at the water she is causing to fly about and the next minute she is staring up through the water with a look of complete shock on her face. I pulled her out instantly and held her, getting soaked. She made a couple of futile attempts at gasping for air and then coughed a little, fussed for a second, and started to squirm in my arms. I thought to myself, "Well... she's OK so it's probably best to put her back in the tub for a second so she can end the bath on a good note and not develop an aversion to bathing or the water." I placed her very gingerly in the tub and she started laughing and splashing again - this time reaching across the tub for one of her bath toys. "Be CAREful," I said as she began to slip again and I took her arm to make sure she stayed alfoat. She laughed again!

At this point I decided that I was the one developing an aversion to her baths and pulled the plug both literally and figuratively. My partner took care of bathing tonight. As for me, I'm thinking she's old enough for the shower.

To blog or not to blog

2006-09-09T09:12:00.000-05:00

My partner and I differ a little bit when it comes to our notions of privacy and risk. When we first moved in together, it was a constant battle between having all the shades up, the windows open, and the doors unlocked and living in a "locked down" facility. We've both regressed toward the mean a little. He doesn't feel the need to close all the downstairs windows every time he goes upstairs and sometimes he even leaves the outer door unlocked when he takes out the dogs although he is still pretty strict about keeping the blinds down and curtains drawn. I actually frequently lock the doors when I am inside and am not constantly running around the house undoing all the closing up he does. However, I still don't worry about closing the shades at night or drawing the curtains so that folks don't see me streaking from the shower to my bedroom closet.

My generally unarticulated philosophy on privacy goes something like this:
1. If you have nothing better to do than hang around waiting for a glimpse of me streaking to my bedroom, I feel for you.
2. If you happen to see or hear something "private" because the shades are up, I expect you to show me the courtesy of turning away and moving on. I would do the same for you. Privacy is, after all, a social arrangement. Living in close quarters (there is not more than 14 feet between our house and the next and there is only a wooden fence separating our backyards) means that we are privy to all kinds of information about one another. Instead of policing the public/private boundary, ultimately a futile task, it makes more sense to maintain norms for respecting the difference between public and private behavior.

Remember Goffman's story about how the Shetland Islanders would walk into one another's houses (same holds on my island home) but would make sure to announce themselves by approaching noisily? Were they to walk in on anything (within reason) private, they would likely turn a blind eye.

So here's the thing. My partner thinks I should discontinue my blog in light of my impending foray into the job market. He thinks that much of the information I disclose is too private and would be a problem if it became known to potential employers and he takes it as a given that my potential employers will discover my blog.

I tend to think that's baloney. First, I think potential employers have better things to do than trying to find out if I have a secret blog somewhere. Second, even if folks were to learn about this blog, I fail to see how it would color their opinion of me as a candidate provided the blog was not used to account for some previously recognized problem with me as a candidate. Lastly, although my posts here aren't constitutive of some joyous and empowering Whitman-esque (Whitmanian??) "yawp," I do value the opportunity to make a "peep" every now and then. SO, dear reader(s), I solicit your help in 2 ways. First, if you would be so kind as to respond to the poll, I would be much obliged. Second, comments are welcome.

Plan of Attack

2006-09-08T22:32:00.000-05:00

Here's the plan. What do you think? Actually, unless you are going to tell me things that reinforce my fragile self-esteem, just remain mum, OK?

This semester:
1. Send out 2 (possibly 3) book reviews so as to take small steps toward overcoming the fear of disseminating research (to be completed by October 15 ath the LATEST). I'm much more comfortable commenting on other people's work so why not navigate the process a couple of times with written work that I feel OK about? I know, I should have been doing this all along.
2. Complete and clean up dissertation chapter 2.
3. Send it out to folks for comment.
4. Prepare thesis (I know, I know. This should have been done ages ago) for submission.
5. Find folks to read revised thesis and send it to them.

The break:
1. ASA submission- first run at chapter 3 based on data collected in initial field site (try to hijack panel with like-minded co-conspirators)
2. Revise chapter 2.
3. Revise thesis.

Next semester:
1. Send chapter 2 out for publication.
2. Send thesis out for publication.
3. Begin chapter 4 interviews.
4. Ongoing chapter 3 data collection in follow-up sites and writing.
5. Hunger data analysis and policy brief.

E's photo of the month: 1 year old

2006-09-07T19:38:00.000-05:00

Can you believe it?

middle

2006-09-05T19:00:00.000-05:00

there are so many mediocre books in the world. hopefully the not so random sample of books I've read over the past few days are not indicative of some accelerating devolution in research around race and ethnicity, particularly the African American middle-class and educating African American youth.

Sheesh. Can't we do any better than The Dreamkeepers and Black Picket Fences*, folks? Am I missing the really good stuff?

*I'm inclined to cut Patillo a little slack. It was her dissertation, after all. She deserves props for just getting the manuscript out. Further, I attended a presentation she gave at the ASA and liked it. Ladson-Billings, however, is too senior to have produced the book she did. I decided to use it to replace Bad Boys on my students' reading list because I generally have a number of future teachers and last semester they were hoping for a book that offered a plan of action instead of just spelling out how schools reproduce inequality. Ladson-Billings offers a plan of action. However, it hinges upon having the same cultural frame of reference as the students. She profiles 8 teachers (6 African American and 2 white). However, of the white teachers, one has an African-American cultural frame of reference and the other spent a great deal of time in African and has an equal number of white and African American friends. I fear that my mostly white suburban education students will come away from the book thinking that they don't have the ability to be good teachers of African American students.

refrigerator blindness

2006-09-01T20:53:00.000-05:00

I'm back to Jeffrey Alexander again but only for a moment.

He's reaching on his application of the autonomy of culture and his requirement that cultural sociological analyses take culture as an independent variable. Ultimately, or at least based upon his own work, one must conclude that his theory cannot make predictions and only appears to have value when used as a retrospective explanatory tool. Furthermore, actors, interests and values, and other spheres of social life are left out of his "thick descriptions of culture." Yet they come sliding right back in again when Alexander attempts to explain cultural change and the succession of social theories. Instead of self-interested agents, economic incentives, politics, or other "non-cultural" factors, Alexander's theory rests on theory itself as an actor seeking self-preservation and ascendancy ("Broad theories can defend themselves by defining and protecting a set of core propositions, jettisoning entire segments of their perspective as only peripherally important" (Meanings of Social Life, p. 205)). Alexander constructs culture as an actor the same way states are constructed by Skocpol, individuals are constructed by rational choice theories, corporations by organizational theorists, etc, etc.

Ultimately Alexander is so adamant regarding the independence of culture that he really has no way to bring culture back into the world of material consequences without jettisoning that which is most important - an understanding of culture as the affective, dramaturgical and discursive context in which all action is carried out.

impatience

2006-08-29T09:47:00.000-05:00

Anyone know when I can expect the books I ordered at the ASA? They're coming directly from the publisher so I kind of figured they would arrive quickly.

2006-08-28T21:55:00.000-05:00

i'm here but i am tired. in lieu of a proper post, i am opting for bed.

inconvenient

2006-08-25T09:15:00.000-05:00

The office is coming along great. I love the desk and now cannot wait for the shelving and file cabinet to arrive. I like it all so much, in fact, that I am thinking of renting a carpet cleaner so I can attempt to bring the carpet up to snuff with the rest of my new office. I also need an office chair, a corkboard, and some picture frames.

Yesterday was my partners birthday so we went out for a nice dinner and a movie. We saw An Inconvenient Truth. I enjoyed it. I think it's safe to say that my thoughts kept returning to a few specific things on the walk home (thankfully, I was spared the guilt of driving home because we live in a neighborhood in which we can walk to 4-star restaurants and movie theatres).

First, I kept wondering what my dad and Mary would think of the film. I think my dad would find it somewhat compelling and I think that Mary would either say that we just need to pray about global warming or she would say that there is no such thing at all and that people who think other countries are doing a better a job on the environment should just go ahead and move.

Second, I've decided that I am going to seriously curb my driving over and above the low levels of driving we currently do (I am going to be a mass transit and walking nazi). This endeavor is supported by the impending opening of Milwaukee's first Whole Foods which is minutes away from our place.

Finally, wouldn't it be nice to have a president who is ABOUT something? I don't think we've had one of those in my lifetime - a president who is really consumed by one particular social concern. The film reminded me that back in the 90s I was a huge Al Gore fan, read his book, followed the work he was doing on the Kyoto Protocol, etc. My partner thinks Gore should take another shot at the white house but I think that would be foolish. He won't have the party behind him and, besides, I think he may accomplish more as the man who should have been president - kind of a Jimmy Carter-esque position (I know Carter did a term) of having the moral authority and voice but not having the practical obstacles to pursuing the best ends.

An office worthy of a dissertation, Part I

2006-08-23T20:08:00.000-05:00

We have a very nice house and we tend to keep it tidy and reasonably clean except for the dog hair tumbleweeds that like to blow about between vacuuming sessions. Our decorating is a bit on the spartan side - not a great many knick-knacks, etc.

Our house is great except for the office, which is a total disaster. See photographic evidence here:

I've decided that I need an office worthy of the dissertation I want to write - a corollary of my dad's obsession with "dressing for the job you want to have." The office worthy of the dissertation I want to write will have comfortable seating, loads of surface area and enough shelves for the books (and other assorted reading material) my partner and I currently posses as well as the books we will come into possession of in the next 24 months (presumably after that time I will have a job and an office at said job and some of my books will live at work).

I recently implemented phase one of the office reconstruction: ordering a spacious corner desk. Target's Furio mission style desk with hutch and computer desk have to go. Phase 2 is floor to ceiling modular shelving to be ordered during the next credit card billing cycle. Phase 3 is the acquisition of a lateral file no more than 42 inches long. I'm trying to do that one on the way cheap.

The desk has just arrived and I am about to start taking this office apart to usher in a new period of unprecedented mental clarity and productivity! Not sure how long it will be before I get my computer set up in the desk's CPU cabinet. Until then, adieu!

the end is near!

2006-08-23T19:14:00.000-05:00

[click for more info]

I know that the last couple installments haven't been the best but here's hoping.

strong program

2006-08-23T09:27:00.000-05:00

I'm really quite busy over the next few days and, it being E's nap time, I should be tending to a plethora of more immediately pressing things. However, I need to work through this a little bit.

I've been reevaluating Jeff Alexander's strong program of cultural sociology since the ASA. I decided earlier on in my graduate career that the strong program is a little too retrospective (in that it doesn't seem to have any predictive power) and a little too agent-less for me. However, some conversations I had at the meeting led to me think I should reconsider. So, I'm reading.

Anyway, in theory (used here as a figure of speech) I am sympathetic to the strong program which is akin in many ways to Foucault's study of the causal and arbitrary nature of language/discourse/knowledge (have I mentioned that I LOVE Foucault? Discipline & Punish would likely make it on my all-time top 10 READING list) but maintains the autonomy of culture, which is to say that the cultural realm is distinct from and not homologous (sorry Bourdieu) or reducible to other elements of the social world like the state, economic interests, etc, etc.

It is no wonder that Alexander's theoretical work is appealing to me. My entire larger research project, including my quantitative master's thesis and even my BA thesis, is concerned with the relationship between intention and action (particularly as both intention and action are mutually constitutive as well as necessarily referential to both internal and external meaning systems). However, I have never encountered an application of the strong program that works for me.

What I am looking for is a more microsociological theory of cultural autonomy that takes pragmatic (here used as a reference to American Pragmatism. I am thinking here about the importance of habit and intelligence in that pragmatic sense) and ethnomethodological (e.g. accountability to everday interaction) concerns into account. I want this microsociological theory to be the corrolary of a more macrosociological theory of culture explaining the development, dissemination and impact (causally speaking) at the macro level of culture structures.

Any ideas, folks? Seems like too large a project for the dissertation.

and down again

2006-08-22T22:26:00.000-05:00

Not only am I crazy (see my comments here for proof), I attended a job market meeting today (yes, I know, not until next year but I worry that my partner is going to be offered a lateral this year and I want to have something to send out) in which I looked at CVs that confirmed no amount of cosmetic work is going to make mine worthy of the short list. Then I was off to a meeting with a faculty member I hoped would be a good collaborator/mentor/#4. This particular individual gave me a "we'll see."

Given that most of the faculty I know from taking courses and attending brownbags have left or retired and that I am not around the department to maintain and initiate relations with others, I feel like I'm really in a bind when it comes to rounding out my committee and coming up with a list of recommenders (let's bracket the fact that I'd also like a bit of a shepherd and agent when it comes to the job market). Furthermore, I would find it particularly painful to be told by a faculty member I asked that s/he would rather not recommend me/etc so I find myself not asking. I know I'm not around and I know there are a lot of grad students in the department and I know that it's work to write those letters, particularly if you want to do it well and say something about the dissertation but I also know I need some advocates.

For now, my ego mildly bruised after today, I think it best if I get through some of the books and articles on the stack and finish my syllabus for the fall. No danger of assaults on the self esteem there.

recovery

2006-08-21T21:17:00.000-05:00

Better today although I'm decelerating when it comes to work. E doesn't have school this week - intercession - and my partner started teaching today. Thus, I am going to have a slow work week.

Something else about the ASA. Did anyone else notice that there were a lot of babies and small children present? Further, did anyone notice that those youngsters were usually in the care of their fathers or other male caregivers?

It seems too obvious to mention but I will anyway. The idea is, folks, that good dads can bring their kids to work from time to time ( and aren't they just such great parents for taking part in care-giving) while good female sociologists don't let children distract them from their work. We hear and obey!

shambles

2006-08-20T22:01:00.000-05:00

Sadly, things have gone downhill since my last post. Back to feeling alone, invisible and "like butter scraped over too much bread." No new developments academically... it's just the rest of it, you know, the rest of life.

Is it just that I have been home long enough for the ASA high to wear off? Is blogging bad luck? Was it wrong to state what I had been feeling for days, that things are good?

Damn.

post hoc

2006-08-20T13:44:00.000-05:00

Sorry, sorry. I thinking I'm starting to be over this endeavor but I've felt that way before so we'll just play it by ear, OK?

The ASA was great! If you haven't noticed, I am a bit socially and intellectually isolated out here in brew city. Thus, it was wonderful to have interaction and with SO MANY SOCIOLOGISTS! The whole experience really boosted my confidence in my work and made me feel better about my chosen vocation.

E and her dad had a nice trip too. They went to many of the museums and sites. My partner likes to visit old Olympic venues. Luckily for him, Montreal once hosted the Olympics. Luckily for me, I was too busy to accompany him on a tour. E loved our accommodations in Montreal. She was really working on pulling up and cruising - precursor to walking. She also diversified her mobility repetoire a little by adding conventional crawling (she is typically a butt-scooter) and crab walking to her skill set.

Anyway, the trip has energized me. First, I am no longer applying for asst. prof. positions this year. Instead I'm going to put the energy into getting one chapter finished and sent out to journals and 2 other chapters well underway. Second, I am going to put more energy into networking with other sociologists doing work sympathetic to my own. Finally, I've been ON TASK since we returned. I get through most of the items on my to do list most days (and I've replaced a lot of mom-ish chores with dissertation-ish ones) and put in extra work time during E's naps and, importantly, at night.

So, things are good.

not the ritz

2006-08-11T08:41:00.000-05:00

One of the things we learned very early in our travels with E was that luxury is meaningless. Our first hotel visit was a night in posh room on the executive floor of Chicago's Palmer House Hilton. My partner had a conference. As we put E to bed at 7 that evening, it dawned upon us that we had nowhere to go and, our child being a light sleeper, we would neither be able to turn on the light nor the television without waking her. My partner went off to a cafe to work on his presentation while I sat in the dark, then moved to the bathroom to read, and then watched television very quietly until it woke E.

Since then we have either stayed with friends or rented suites. Here in Montreal we find ourselves in a fully-equipped 1 bedroom apartment in Hotel La Tour Centreville. The hotel is in a fabulous location just 2 blocks from the IGA (also something that counts for a great deal when traveling with a child ) and just 2 blocks from the conference site. It's nothing fancy. The appliance in the kitchen are old - that mustard color that they stopped making years ago. There are about 10 too many layers of paint on evertyhing and the color scheme leaves much to be desired. However, E can scoot around to her heart's content and she can spill her food without me feeling like we are trashing the place. (Maybe someday I will tell you the story of the blueberries and the 4-star hotel carpet but I am being upbeat today. Take my word for it, though, blueberries are best eaten at home.)

To top it all off, we have the unexpected perk of inexpensive wireless internet and a chinese restaurant in the lobby.

E's photo of the month: 11 months

2006-08-08T19:05:00.000-05:00

hard place and elusive balance

2006-08-07T15:38:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we visited friends in Chicago. Close friends. Kin, really, and, as it works with family (as the previous post elucidates), the relationships are often based upon shared history and the promise of continued contact, perceptions of acceptance and support, etc. Shared interests and opinions just don't count for much with family.

I think one of the reasons I have trouble forming friendships is the fact that I grew up in such a large family network and small community network. When there are only 6 kids in your grade and you're surrounded by extended family, you don't have a lot of opportunity to engage in much interest group socializing and boundary making when it comes to friends and cliques. Even now I have a hard time figuring out who my friends or potential friends are so I generally default to the approach-everyone-and-let-them-decide strategy of discerning who might think I am worth counting as a friend (given my characteristics as well as the individual's resources for forming and maintaining relationships). I tend to offer about 4 chances unless I am totally blown off in which case the "one last chance" rule comes into effect.

Anyway, I digress. That is not what I intended to post about at all. This is what I intended to post:

Yesterday in Chicago, one of the kin we got together was Dr. D. He's basically the kin equivalent of an in-law being that he is the kin of our kin. Dr. D has his own sad story which I may tell some day but suffice it to say for present purposes that he is an elitist and quite sexist. Over the years I have tolerated these flaws without comment but lately it's grating on me. The big issue is that he clearly dismisses me as anything but a brainless child-producing organism. For example, when we first saw him yesterday he and my partner exchanged their usual pleasantries:
"Dr."
"Counselor."
and then engaged in a lengthy discussion in which Dr. D asked my partner a great many questions about how his work was going, what research he was working on, etc. Some time later Dr. D turned to me and said, "How's it going, Mommy?" Not really waiting for a response, he turned to E to tell her how darling she is. We've had conversations in which I basically had to bully my way in saying something along the lines of, "You know, this is actually my area and I would like to make a contribution to this conversation if you think you can comprehend the wisdom of a social scientist."

Of course, it works the other way too. When E was quite young I would bring her to campus for my dissertation group and meetings with my advisors. Often I would bump into folks from the program and the first thing out of their mouths was "How is the dissertation going?" I took offense that folks would see my standing there with my new baby and not recognize that my dissertation wasn't really a priority at the moment. I felt like they were implicitly critical of my decision to rear a child.

So, yeah, damned if you do and damned if you don't I guess.

[]

2006-08-05T21:00:00.000-05:00

i was just perusing the asa schedule and found at least 2 other students doing similar work. their cvs kick my cv's ass. fortunately, my cv is not publicly available so, when they receive my email requesting to get together at the meeting, they won't be able to google me and find out how awful i am.

who am i kidding? i'll never get a job. i really think i would be happy being a mom and working at the hunger task force or the humane society or the peace coalition or the urban ecology center. i mean, i really love teaching and consuming research and i have ideas for projects all the time but i really don't think i have what it takes to BE that person. you know what i mean?

Alleluia and Amen

2006-08-04T23:01:00.000-05:00

I was minding my own business reading the newspaper from my field site when I happened across this story discussing my island home.

The island is home to all manner of people so I don't begrudge folks a Baptist Church and even a visit from Falwell himself. However, it is all particularly horrifying to me because this is the church that my dad has taken to attending with his new wife even if he does roll his eyes and claim that he is still a Catholic and even if he does side with the "liberal faction" in the family when we are discussing everything but homosexuality. There are some things about Mary and their relationship resulting in disquiet for me. Up to this point I have chosen to turn a blind eye because, quite frankly, I am overjoyed to see my dad happy and cared for and am willing to tolerate a whole lot of woohaa as long as that is the case. And, of course, there is the fact that my dad and Mary are all I've got and, although I used to be able to give my dad a dressing down when I deemed it necessary, I'm not sure that I've got the pull these days to get any more an invitation to show myself out.

throwback

2006-08-03T19:00:00.000-05:00

Finally saw X3 yesterday. I liked it. I think they tried to do a little too much. I mean, you just can't get everything in there, you know, even if true fans get frustrated by neglected characters and plot lines. At any rate, I think Marvel has done pretty well bringing their comic books to the big screen. Mostly, however, if I'm going to see an action film, I would opt for a Marvel or other comic book adaptation pretty much every time because the plot and characters are so much richer than your average clicheed (imagine there was an accent OK) action film and heroes/villains.

Case in point, we rented "The Island." It was awful.

Anyway, that trip to the movies occurred during designated work time. We had our regular Wednesday afternoon childcare and instead of going to our respective offices we went for a really nice and insanely inexpensive lunch and followed it up with a trip to the budget movie theater. So, our entire afternoon out would have cost only $16.50 if it weren't for the $45 child care surcharge.

group w

2006-07-31T10:22:00.000-05:00

10 calls in need of return. I'm waiting. Poor planning.

Middling

2006-07-27T19:28:00.000-05:00

Perhaps this is why I find it fairly blah here in cheeseland. I have always said that it is "regular" here.

The question is, though, would you rather be a resident of a representative state? I wonder, if you polled folks from each state ahead of time about how much they thought it would be a good thing to be most representative of the U.S. population when it came to things like population density and home ownership rates (numbers that are going to leave extremely rural states and those with old-growth large cities on the outs). I would bet that, on average, folks would tend toward the condition of their state (e.g. folks in Hawaii would not consider it a good thing while folks in Michigan would).

The most 'representative' state: Wisconsin

By Mark Preston
CNN Political Editor

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Looking for a state that is a microcosm of the whole country? You won't find it in Iowa or New Hampshire -- there are 25 states that come closer to average statewide measures on important characteristics such as race and income.

[...]

Holland identified 12 key statistics -- four that measure race and ethnicity, four that look at income and education, and four that describe the typical neighborhood in each state -- and added up how far each was from the figures for the average state on each measure.

Holland said he chose these 12 different categories because "they have a strong impact on the political landscape in every state."

Close behind Wisconsin are four other Midwestern states that look most like a hypothetical average state -- Missouri, Kansas, Indiana and Ohio. Most of the least-typical states tend to come from the Northeast, including Massachusetts, New Jersey and New York. West Virginia is in 49th place, while Mississippi comes in dead last.

[...]

So, what makes Wisconsin so special -- or, to put it another way, what makes Wisconsin so average? It is about as close to the average state as you can get on most of the 12 measures included in this study.

[...]

"It's important to note that there are hundreds of ways of making this same calculation, and dozens of states could all make a legitimate claim to being the most representative state in the nation," Holland said.

To make the calculations easier to understand, Holland recalculated each state's score to produce a zero-to-50 scale -- there are 50 states, after all -- with a high score indicating a state that is more representative than a state with a lower score.

A ranking of the 50 states

1. Wisconsin 36.4

2. Missouri 35.2

3. Kansas 34.4

4. Indiana 30.8

5. Ohio 30.1

6. Oklahoma 29.9

7. Oregon 29.3

8. Nebraska 29.0

9. Georgia 27.3

10. Minnesota 26.9

11. Michigan 26.8

12. Washington 26.3

13. Wyoming 25.9

14. North Carolina 25.8

15. Florida 25.6

16. Montana 25.3

17. Virginia 25.3

18. Alaska 25.1

19. Pennsylvania 25.0

20. Arizona 24.8

21. Delaware 24.1

22. Tennessee 22.3

23. South Dakota 21.4

24. Kentucky 20.3

25. New Mexico 20.3

26. Iowa 19.6

27. Texas 19.6

28. Illinois 19.5

29. Rhode Island 19.0

30. Maryland 18.9

31. Colorado 18.8

32. Louisiana 18.3

33. Idaho 18.1

34. Vermont 17.9

35. Maine 17.4

36. New Hampshire 17.4

37. Utah 17.0

38. Hawaii 16.3

39. South Carolina 15.8

40. California 15.3

41. Arkansas 15.0

42. Alabama 14.6

43. North Dakota 13.8

44. Nevada 13.5

45. Connecticut 13.1

46. Massachusetts 11.6

47. New Jersey 11.4

48. New York 6.5

49. West Virginia 4.8

50. Mississippi 2.8

note of optimism

2006-07-27T19:21:00.000-05:00

Meetings with advisors went pretty well this week although one advisor suggested a substantial reorganization of the project. Although I think he is right that it would make for a better project and a more interesting book, there is no way that I could finish the diss by the fall 2007 (seeing as I will have additional data collection to do in spring 2006) - a problem given the fact that I am going to try to sell myself to a few select places as someone who will have a Ph.D. by August.

Another problem: recommenders. I am so out of the loop I don't even know who to ask.

don't sweat the small stuff, right?

2006-07-26T19:07:00.000-05:00

rocks along the starboard side

2006-07-23T10:22:00.000-05:00

Working on this dissertation is a lot like being the captain of a sinking ship. Not the Titantic, however, more like some slapped-together, oddly-painted old wooden dinghy like the one belonging to Burt Dow, Deep Water Man.

2006-07-21T21:17:00.000-05:00

it's been one of those days (weeks?) that lead me to suspect that I am the problem.

why am i such a freak/jerk/snowqueen/snob/puritan/perfectionist/nerd/bookworm/misanthrope/coward/poser?

Persnickety, pernicious, persimmon

2006-07-18T09:19:00.000-05:00

Have I mentioned that we don't have air conditioning? Every year we (I) bring up the idea of purchasing a window unit but then we count the number of days we would have used it (it usually ends up being less than seven) and decide it would be a waste. In our case air conditioning would be particularly silly because I am a fanatic about having the windows open as much as possible from May through October (and even at other times of year. Basically if the temperature exceeds 60 degrees, I open the windows) and couldn't stand to give up use of a window for an air conditioner that I am only going to use 7 days of the summer.

It's all perfectly sensical but yesterday I would have signed a contract agreeing to keep my windows closed for all eternity in exchange for a little cool.

for free

2006-07-17T09:19:00.000-05:00

it really irks me when people refuse to give without getting-- particularly when a request is converted in a bargaining discussion.

e.g.
[q]would you be willing to help me out next monday?
[a] only if you do something for me on friday.

so what you're telling me is you are able to help me out monday but you won't do it if you can't get something in return, right?

fair warning

2006-07-16T20:21:00.000-05:00

I can hear you searching the coffee table drawers for the remote control. I told you that if you continued to leave it lying on the arm of the sofa I would hide it.

Sorry but I am a woman of my word.

[untitled]

2006-07-13T19:02:00.000-05:00

I just don't have it in me right now, folks.

Part of it may be that after our treks the mundane seems a little too mundane to be blogworthy. I'm sure a large part of it is that I have enough mundane in my life that many days I am up by 6:30 and I don't stop moving, except for the occasional bathroom break, until after 8 p.m.

However there are a couple of items worthy of mention, and even discussion, although I am not likely to elaborate a great deal.

1. E started daycare this week. She's going 2 half days for the rest of the summer and 3 half days in the fall. She made the transition without any trouble at all. In fact, if I hadn't rationalized her obvious indifference to my leaving her as clear evidence of her sense of trust and security in her mother's love, I might be a bit upset that she happily scoots away to play with the daycare's toys the second I put her on the floor.

2. In the last 1.5 weeks I have doubled the number of times I've been to the gym in the past 10.5 months. I also brought my bike in for a tune-up and got a baby trailer. Heart health here I come!

3. I am going on the job market, albeit in a limited fashion, this fall. Not ready to apply to those dream jobs (and dream locations) yet, just throwing my hat in for a couple of openings in the area. I mean, given the difficulties of the market when you are coordinating with a partner who is also an academic, I would be crazy not to apply for available positions this year - they're small departments making multiple hires so I'm guessing they may not hire at all next year.

4. At present I find I can't eat enough cottage cheese and pineapple - two foods that I learned only in the past year that I can tolerate at all. Mostly I eat the cottage cheese with lettuce, snap peas and sliced tomatoes from our farm share. I eat the pineapple alone or with strawberries from the farm.

E's Photo of the month: 10 months old

2006-07-01T09:36:00.000-05:00

Doors of Stockholm and vicinity

2006-06-30T19:42:00.000-05:00

One of the things I do when traveling is watch for interesting doors and entries. Stockholm offered a specimen or two. So far my best sightings were in Tossa de Mar, Spain. We've recently acquired a scanner and, if I ever get this office organized, I'll set it up and scan some really great Tossa door photos for you. At any rate, here are a couple of doors, entries, etc. from Stockholm:

This first one is a knocker. The door itself was cool but difficult to photograph due to its size and location on a narrow street in the Gamla Stan, Stockholm's oldest neighborhood.

This is the old keyhole in a barn door in Uppsala.

Unfortunately I've nothing in there for scale but note how thin the actual door is.

This is my favorite kind. Door within the carriage door. You know there is some great open space behind that. That's one of the most intriguing things about older areas like this. On the street it feels so close and congested. There is nothing but mostly windowless walls and doors on the narrow streeta and then you get inside and there are plants and open courtyards and apartments.

You can get a glimpse of the green space inside through this door on the left. I also love the contrast and the close proximity of the two entries.

back from the hinterlands

2006-06-25T15:33:00.000-05:00

We're back in Stockholm. Flying home Wednesday. Had a great time up in the land where the sun barely sets.
Enjoyed a smörgasbord with my friend's family. 6 types of picked herring. Veggies swimming in creme fraiche. Swedish shnapps. Mosquitos and the endless days of midsommar.
Loads of fun, truly.
Our 6 weeks of travel is soon to come to an end. How bizarre it will be to go home. I bet E doesn't even remember the place.

hej from stockholm

2006-06-19T15:42:00.000-05:00

Busy, folks. We're having a great time. Travelling with the little one is a lot of work but not as much as you might expect.

Can you see these Swedish letters in blogger?: ö å ä

We're having a dinner party tomorrow night to watch Sweden v. England and the next day we are leaving to head north for Midsömmar - the solstice. Apologies to those of you who have been waiting for your invitation to the 2nd annual summer solstice party. We're going to hold it belatedly upon our return to the states.

A couple of mundane differences noted:
1. Pets are not spayed or neutered.
2. People don't use credit cards, they use debit cards.
3. The toilets have 2 flushing options, number 1 (small flush) and number 2 (big flush).

apologies

2006-06-01T13:07:00.000-05:00

sorry. i have morphed so completely into my island self that i generally forget that i have a blog at all. there is something about this place - the contentment and completeness of the space i think - that makes it difficult to make plans, to return phone calls, etc. it's much easier to gadabout, read a book out in the yard, walk down to the ice cream shop for a cone and then walk "out backshore"to listen to the surf. to mosey on home as the daylight dwindles, throw some veggies on the grill and fall asleep in front of the red sox game. at night as you lie in bed you can hear the bell buoy marking the ledge in whitehead passage chiming away and, when it's foggy, the horns at two lights and portland head.

i told dad and mary that i was moving in permanently.

observations at home

2006-05-20T19:31:00.000-05:00

1. I am old. How do I know this? The "grown-ups" of my youth are now old and grey and the islanders born after my departure are now the youth of the community.

2. I named E after my mother and it is so nice to introduce E to people who knew her namesake. So many people have gotten teary-eyed when they learn her name. It feels right.

3. This is the dog's last trip tp my island home. Although Mary was very kind to allow them into her home this trip, her home is not really fit for dogs. On the up side, the house looks great and my dad is as happy as a lark. It is so nice that he found someone to share this part of his life (kids out of house, retirement, etc) with. When I think about how much he and my mother sacrificed to raise all of us, it does make me sad to think that they didn't get the chance to enjoy this stage of life and marriage together. But at least dad is getting a chance.

moment of truth

2006-05-16T10:06:00.000-05:00

The day of reckoning has arrived. Back when we were looking to get a family-friendly car my partner continuously trumped my but-a-station-wagon-will-be big-enough arguments with his claim that our drives out to Maine will require a mini-van. Of course, he learned long ago that the way to get what you want out of me is to somehow tie it to an increase in the frequency, duration and/or enjoyment of visits to Maine.

We have been packing for the last 24 hours and now loading has begun. I will try to snap a photo of the finished product but I highly doubt my partner, being the driven and task-oriented bloke he is, will allow me to run back into the house to post it for you all. He will likely claim that we'll get to Maine sooner if I don't take the time to blog and instead, say, make sure that we haven't forgotten anything.

meet the parents

2006-05-15T22:13:00.000-05:00

sometimes my life imitates art except in my case it isn't art it's the movies, specifically, meet the parents, and life doesn't imitate art but instead recasts in an entirely different genre, say, horror.

(belated) E's photo of the month: 8 months old

2006-05-14T23:25:00.000-05:00

ticking away...

2006-05-14T23:10:00.000-05:00

although i don't generally go in for the hallmark holidays, i made of point of letting my partner know that i expected recognition today. apparently E decided to get in on the act by FINALLY starting to get that sleeping-through-the-night-and-taking-2-hour-naps thing figured out. if it sticks, i predict that life will improve immensely. let's face it, 8.5 months of 2-3 hour sleep blocks punctuated by the very occasional 4-6 hours of blissful shut-eye does take its toll.

anyhow, we slept in until 7:30 without any middle of the night feedings! we made breakfast and putzed around. after E's a.m. nap we went to the mke public market for lunch. we came home and the sun came out so i took the dogs for a walk on the river while E had her afternoon snooze. then it was off to the symphony for the family concert and home for baby bath and bed and the series finale of west wing. i've just finished grading so tomorrow i prepare for the great trek home to the island.

free at last and homeward bound!

master identity and total institution or "i'd like to thank the academy..."

2006-05-13T09:27:00.000-05:00

I attended the departmental graduation ceremony yesterday. I make a special point of being present at the graduation celebration because I usually find it so heart-warming and encouraging. The event reinforces my hope that one day I, too, will finish my dissertation and that my advisors will have some nice things to say about my work and/or myself. Then I will get my moment to thank everyone. I can't tell you how many times I've daydreamed about that moment, standing up there and being done or at least done enough that in the fall my tenure-track appointment will begin.

Of course, yesterday I had additional motives. I like to attend departmental events to see folks. Since I am rarely on campus and have now been absent from the department at least as many years as I was in residence, I don't get much opportunity to keep in touch. Lastly, I wanted to bring E to the graduation. I guess I do have a little interest in showing her off but, ultimately, I want her to know that I am someone besides her mother, that I am a person in the world too. I know that she is too young to understand any of that now, but I guess I'd like her to grow up thinking of her mother as a sociologist-mom instead of having it be something that she must be taught explicitly when she is old enough for such lessons.

I am not sure how different the day was or if it was just me, but I ended up leaving Madison feeling defeated, insignificant and spent.

Many of the people I think of when I think of the department were not there for various reasons. This drove home the fact that the current department is not the department I knew. That the people I did know often did not recognize me (when I say they did not recognize me I mean that they passed over my face as they scanned the room for familiar faces not they didn't remember me when I said hello. I have discussed this elsewhere) confirmed that I am not a part of the life of that place now. If my day arrives and I attend the departmental celebration, I will stand before a room of strangers and my advisors, unable to share funny anecdotes or lament my departure as the loss of a regular companion, will say something about how I am an independent sort.

Then there was the whole motherhood thing. I thought that the event would be a perfect way to allow my mother and scholar roles/identities to interact. After all, the departmental graduation ceremony is a family affair, right? I was imagining that many other students would have their partners and children with them. I was wrong. Even students completing the program, with family in attendance, left the children at home. To top it all off, I brought my partner to help with E in case of trouble. He was uncomfortable since he knew very few people and he made me feel more awkward and out of place by trying to push me to socialize. Then E began fussing and he was forced to pace the hallway with her as there was no comfortable place for a dad and a baby to sit and wait. Naturally, he was grumpy and I began to suspect that I am a selfish and insensitive person for dragging my family all the way to Madison so I could feel connected, so I could persist with the illusion that the relationships between my disparate parts are smooth and seamless.

Good book?

2006-05-12T10:18:00.000-05:00

I'm looking for a good ethnography concerned with the African-American middle class. One which focuses on intra-group class conflict in addition to particularly middle-class experiences with prejudice would be ideal. Suggestions?

No Play List

2006-05-12T09:39:00.000-05:00

So, one of my best friends from middle school is getting married in a couple of weeks. Naturally, I am going home for the big event (and to get some sleep and to get grounded and to introduce E to the island and family and to eat some good food).

Well, the other day my pal K2(should be superscript) emailed me regarding her upcoming meeting with the DJ:

We have a meeting with our DJ on Friday, and we need to finalize the all important DO NOT PLAY list. SO much more inportant than what they CAN play...anyway, I've got a few, but I wanted to pick your brains to see if you could come up with any I missed. Here goes:

Wind Beneath my Wings
Old Time Rock'n'Roll
Any Celine Dion
Celebrate
We are Family
Electric Slide, Macarena, Chicken Dance, YMCA, etc
Any Vanilla Ice
Friends in Low Places
Love Shack (sorry kids, I know it was fun at Zootz circa 1990 but...)
Unchained Melody
I will Survuve
Shout
Pretty Woman
A Moment Like This
Paradise by the Dashboard Light (or really anything by Meatloaf)
Lady Marmalade
Any Michael Jackson

OK, well, see, I must be growing soft in my old age or, perhaps, I've spent too many nights at the karaoke kid because many of those songs would be on my DO play list (of course some, mostly the ballads, are right on). Sheesh... it's a wedding! I mean, Billie Jean, Shout, Love Shack... you might as well skip the cake too!

I've fallen out of touch with K2 over the years. If her eighth-grade self was picking the songs, I'd say we were going to spend the evening listening to Echo and the Bunnymen, Morrissey, the Pixies, the Replacements, Dead Milkmen, Bauhaus, Jane's Addiction, and Siouxsie and the Banshees. Fun, true, but odd to think about.